Death is something that will touch each and every one of our lives. It pays to develop a healthy relationship to this sad occurrence before it happens, but also give yourself the space necessary to grieve and feel what you need to feel appropriate. When someone dies, it can be hard to force yourself into action. Often, many of us want to retreat to our families. But, in order to show respect to the person we’ve lost, and to try to seek closure on the affair, it’s best for us to respond to tasks, and to be useful despite the sad feelings in our heart.
The main efforts to help soothe your emotional wounds following a death are difficult to enact, but with the right people around you and the willingness to act in an admirable manner, you can do amazing things:
It can be quite stressful to begin thinking about the funeral the moment a relative or friend dies, but unfortunately the longer you leave it, the longer you will wait before that person is laid to rest. Follow their final will and testament to the T. You can achieve this with the help of local funeral directors and estate managers. Planning the funeral respectfully can happen through this lens. Not many people are experts in funeral planning unless they have been through the process previously, so it’s important to ask questions, to check your options, and to ask for help.
There’s no reason to do this all yourself. This task can help you and your family begin to come together instead of withdrawing from the social bond temporarily. If your relative hasn’t stipulated how they would like to be treated after death, consider putting it to a vote for the person’s nearest and dearest, burial or cremation. Sometimes, the choice is obvious due to religious beliefs etc. If you follow how you believe the person would have wanted proceedings to happen, and you express utmost respect, you are doing a good job.
This is not an easy time for celebrations. But you should find a way to. While the death is tragic and the loss will be felt on a profound level, taking the time to remember the good about a person can help you feel comforted, and that will pay loving respect to their memory. Sharing beautiful experiences you shared with that person with the family, or perhaps talking about silly moments you shared together, or moments you both smiled together can help everyone feel a small moment of levity. It can be hard to consider at the time, but someone dying in no way reduces the positive impact they had on the world, even if that impact was in small, humble but sincere ways.
Taking the good allows you to begin rememberance proceedings, and begin to seek closure after time. With the promise to never forget the memory of this relative, you can begin to seek your healing process with the family together, being there for one another, and slowly coming back to your own lives.
Following death, emotions can feel chaotic. With these two simple activities, you can begin to seek closure.
There really are times when the universe teaches us lessons in unexpected ways, like when fatigue reminds me to slow down. For my whole life I have been focused on achieving my dreams and I always have lists and goals of things I want to do every day. I use an app called Planner Pro it is on my iPad and every day I list about 4-5 things I want to get done that day.
I always have my time with God which is when I meditate and pray and I always do some form of yoga and my physiotherapy exercises. On top of that I try to do a little housework and then some work online if I have enough energy and my body allows me!
And there is the problem, my body never lets me and for a while I have been pressuring myself to get everything done by a certain time. It is like I want to prove to myself that I can still be of use to society and it is really stupid when I hear it in my head now as I write this! The problem is society judges everyone by the job they do!
This recently came to the front of things when Geoffrey Owens, who was a star of The Cosby Show, was photographed bagging groceries in a supermarket. Pictures were published of him with the hope of shaming him, which they did for a little while. But then people started talking about how someone working to help their family is a good thing and he even said that whatever job a person has shouldn’t matter because every job has it’s worth and he is right…but what if you are too sick to work?
I don’t know, it kind of feels like we fall through the gaps of society and that really does not sit right with me. I was pressuring myself to be included and to be taken seriously, I mean I always wanted to be a housewife and have a child but I am not a mother and most days I cannot manage to do housework so what am I? Do I matter? These are the worries that kept me pushing myself to get all my jobs done by 5pm and not resting enough.
So the last few days my pain and fatigue have been through the roof and resting, and I have had to slow down but the thing is slowing down aligns much more with my beliefs than trying to fit in with society. I love yoga, mindfulness and taking time to appreciate the moment and what my body and soul needs. So strangely, this fatigue flare has made me slow down and take a breath and change the way I think, when I realised I was doing things wrong I was so thankful to the universe for showing me my mistakes. I needed that reminder, have you ever had something like this happen?
How are you all this week? I do hope that the change in weather is not affecting you all too much? I wish I could say the same, but my fatigue has flared and because of it I have become addicted to the TV show Gilmore Girls which I didn’t watch the first time and must be mad because it is wonderful!
You know it is kinda strange but fatigue is something that I have had for so long I have my ways to battle it and work around it. I have patterns and routines that I have developed over time so that I can usually keep up with life in my own way around the fatigue. However, this last week it flared and I spent many days sleeping in and getting out of bed after 4pm.
This had left me feeling lost and well frankly bored! I sometimes think that when there is a full wishlist of things ready to watch it can be almost impossible to choose something. I think I must have started and stopped a few different shows and movies before changing my mind. So when Netflix, who knows me better than my own mother, suggested Gilmore Girls I thought hey why not?
Now I am a huge fan of 1990’s TV shows so once I started watching I became addicted, it really helped me to not get depressed. Usually when I have times like this, I lay there feeling awful because I cannot keep up on my housework and I start feeling like a failure. But, with this whole new show and all the episodes to watch I didn’t have those thoughts at all.
I guess what I am saying is, it is sometimes the strangest things that can get us through the tough times that chronic illness serves us from time to time. So here I am already on season 5 and loving the music and the fashion and feeling very sentimental, TV shows were just so much more fluffy and light then you know? I mean I do love the influx of Sci-fi and horror shows that seem to be constantly on TV now, but when I am feeling more fatigue than usual I really want something that will give me the warm and fuzzies and I definitely recommend Gilmore Girls.
So what TV shows do you watch when fatigue hits and you need the fuzzies?
Sometimes chronic pain can get to a point where it is getting in the way of the life you want to live. I have dreams and things I want to achieve, but it is starting to feel as if my pain and fatigue are getting in the way.
I have a video I am putting up on my You Tube channel that kind of hits on this point, but basically it is that my spine pain gets so bad by early evening that I want to just go to bed and lie flat. I cannot think straight and to be honest I just feel like rubbish! Remembering the things I need to remember for my psychic course is becoming so difficult and I guess I am worried my illnesses are going to hold me back?
I guess I could be being silly, but it does feel a lot like I am letting myself down does that make sense? I mean should I be pushing through the pain and fatigue? I try my best to so that I can do a little housework and my physio exercises I mean it isn’t as if I get to do much already because of my fatigue and pain you know?
On top of that I still have not been able to see my doctor after getting two new diagnosis! It is frustrating to not be able to see the people who are meant to take care of me you know? I really need my medications reviewing because I have not had them looked at for a while but whenever we call to make an appointment I am either told there are none or given one with the nurse. I was a nurse so I know that she cannot make decisions like changing medications for long term conditions so I want to see my doctor!
Then two weeks ago I was given an appointment at the doctors in our village, it is like five minutes from us and everyone was nice and the doctor was so lovely and helpful and seemed knowledgeable. So now me and Lee are wondering if we should change to that doctor surgery so I can get some better care. After all, my current doctor did say Fibromyalgia was just a ‘dumping diagnosis’ they give when they don’t know what is wrong.
I hope this post makes some sense, and maybe if you can read passed my brain fog and pain addled brain then you could leave me some ideas of how to keep my body going when I am in pain and want to be in bed, thank you.
So lets talk about pushing passed anxiety to make your dreams happen and move forward in life. It is something I have been needing to do I have things I want to achieve in life and my anxiety always holds me back and this time I did not let it win!
So I am also a You Tuber and a few weeks ago I messaged one of my favourite You Tubers, Miss Mary Lu and asked her if she wanted to do a video together. I was so excited when she said yes because she is such a wicked cool person and she is someone I look up to because she has more subscribers than me.
However, as the time to upload came up I got scared, I started to doubt myself because my channel is slow growing, I am shy in person and I am not great at promoting myself. So I started to feel like I would look stupid or nobody would want to watch because my editing and lighting etc is not great and yeah it got me doubting myself so much.
BUT!!! Yes there is a but, because I took my time and I kept thinking about it being such a great opportunity and I would regret it if I backed out because of my anxiety. Today the video I posted went live HERE and I am so proud that I pushed through and I have already learned so much from this collaboration and I know that the more I push myself through then the more I will achieve.
My anxiety almost keeps me captive in life and I cannot stand that! I want to be a good blogger, and I want to do well on you tube and help people understand chronic illness and that we are just people living our lives and trying our best just like everyone. So this was a big week and it was hard for me, I realised how much I need to learn and grow and at first it got me down but then I realised that I have only been editing 8 months, I need to be patient with myself and kind to myself.
Now the video is out I am so proud of myself I love what me and Mary produced together and I hope it encourages everyone to go and try new things, and to take care of themselves. Self care is so important it helps both our physical and mental health so let me know down below is anxiety holding you back? And, what is your favourite self care?
For a lot of people, the moment that they discover the news that they have some kind of long-term or chronic illness, it can often feel as though the whole world is crashing down around them. It can make a lot of things feel pointless and as though there’s no real purpose in moving forward at all. Of course, that’s obviously not the case. Long-term illness is far from a death sentence and many people go on to live incredibly happy and fulfilling lives after being diagnosed. However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t adjustments to your life that need to be made. With that in mind, here are some things to think about in a life after illness.
The boring stuff
One thing that you’ll want to get out of the way as soon as possible is all of the boring legal stuff and other paperwork that you inevitably have to deal with. Whether you’re filing an insurance claim or going through a company like The Specter Partnership to get compensation if you’ve been a victim of malpractice, it can be tough to motivate yourself to deal with any of it. However, doing it as soon as possible means that you can get on with your life without having to have those things constantly hanging over your head while you’re trying to adjust.
For a lot of people, when they get back to their normal life they’re faced with one question: now what? It’s okay to feel a little lost, at least at first. After all, you’re dealing with a big change and it’s understandable that you might expect the rest of your life to reflect that. But the truth is that life goes on no matter what and it’s up to you to try and go on with it. Think about the changes that will be needed in your life but also focus on the things that are staying the same. Before you know it, you’ll feel like things are right back to feeling the way they used to.
Asking for help
No matter kind of situation they find themselves in, there are some people who simply cannot stand the idea of reaching out to anyone in their lives for help. However, doing this is actually one of the bravest things that you can do. There is no weakness in needing help from others and if you refuse to ask for it, you’re just going to end up making your own life a lot harder than it needs to be.
It’s incredibly important to understand that there will almost certainly be days where you just want to hide away and give up. It’s okay that this happens, it’s a natural part of dealing with something as difficult as a long-term illness. The key is to keep your eye focused on the present moment and living every second as well as possible. It’s okay to get knocked down from time to time, as long as you keep getting up again.
Life is stressful, and we can often focus on the negative. Perhaps because of health issues, problems with work, or any event that gets in the way of our happiness, we can take on this ‘glass half empty mentality.’ Instead, we should practice gratitude. Finding ways to stay positive instead of dwelling on the difficulties in life, we should be able to rise above our stresses and think and feel better as a result. It’s not easy, we know, but when you stop and think about it, there is so much to be thankful for. The following are some of our examples, but you may be able to think of more.
- Be thankful for your parents
Our parents aren’t perfect, but then nobody is. Be thankful for what they have taught you, and for the love and care they have shown you in your life. Be sure to tell them too. They won’t be here forever, so before they enter into a care home and leave this mortal coil, tell them you love them, appreciate them, and are thankful for them. Hopefully, your children will do the same to you one day.
- Be thankful for the small things
These are the things we often overlook in the day, but sometimes we should slow down and take notice of them. Examples? Be thankful for the sun and the rain; be thankful for the water from your tap and the other things we often take for granted; be thankful for the daily sounds you hear, from birdsong to the laughter in your child; be thankful for the things that make you smile. Your day is packed with these things, so stop and pause at each and offer thanks for every one.
- Be thankful for life’s challenges
Admittedly, this is the toughest of them all. How can you be thankful for those things that give you stress and a headache? How can you be thankful for the things that could negatively impact your day? It’s not easy, but then you shouldn’t let them get you down, either. Look at these challenges as things that will help you grow. You have dealt with your challenges before, and you will do so again. Sometimes, the obstacles in our life are there for a reason, but by rising above them, you will become a better person. Get help when you need it, of course, but be thankful for those times when you have developed as a result of your hardships.
- Be thankful for your life
God brought you into this life for a purpose, so be thankful to Him. Be thankful for the good things you have done, and the opportunities you have been given. Be thankful for your strengths as well as your weaknesses, as you aren’t supposed to be perfect. Be thankful for what has happened in your life, what is happening today, and what is still to come. You only have one life on this earth, and it’s a precious one. So give thanks today for you!
Keep the thanks coming
There is so much to be thankful for; we need only stop and consider the blessings we have in our life. What about you? Is there anything we have missed? What are you thankful for? Let us know – we will be thankful if you do!
So yesterday an old friend from school came round to see me for a cup of tea and a catch up. Now to most people this might seem very boring and not out of the ordinary at all but it meant so much to me and I want to explain why.
First of all, she got in touch with me because she found my blog, and when she did and started reading she was amazed at how similar our symptoms and experiences with chronic pain and fatigue were. She emailed me and we started to talk and arranged for her to come visit, and if you have been reading my articles for a while you will know how lonely I get so this was something I was so excited for!
I was nervous because of the amount of time that had passed since we had last seen one another, but I needn’t have. We chatted away and in no time found ourselves amazed at how similar our chronic illness journeys were and how we both have struggled with accepting our illnesses and having family understand why we are sick.
I started to think about all the chronic illness warriors that I know through social media, you tube and this blog and wondered just how similar our paths seem to be. It in incredible that no matter what our diagnosis, we all walk the same path and it is this fact that connects us all. I started to realise that so many of us are in reality so isolated and alone, spending weeks at times not seeing friends or even leaving the house just like me!
Seeing my friend was wonderful, I felt so tired and in pain afterwards but I have not stopped smiling since because I am so happy! I feel like I am part of a worldwide network of chronic illness warriors who have many different illnesses and yet we all walk a similar path! So if you ever feel lonely or just need to talk my instagram, twitter, facebook and my email all have ways to get in touch with me and I would love to connect with you!