Trying to live with Chronic Illness

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Body Positivity and Disability

Picture shows the title of the blog, with someone sat in meditation position but you can only see one leg and arm as the hand rests on the knee and there are white flowers sprinkled all over them with the title of the post written below

Photo by Chris Jarvis on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

The summer is here and I am wearing a lovely skirt and a pretty vest top and I should be feeling happy but I am feeling self conscious. I suffered with eating disorders, I look in the mirror and I only see my flabby arms and my tummy that is thin but not at all toned and it makes me feel so deflated. I used to be extremely thin and toned and now my illnesses have worsened and I am struggling to feel any body positivity with my disability!

I see all the adverts with the models with perfect bodies, I watch the you tubers working out in Hollywood; and I feel that pressure on me to eat everything with avocados and to work out in the gym every day! However, I have new diagnoses that mean my neck needs to be protected more and my joined are more prone to dislocation so yoga the way I used to do it has been taken off the table.

Honestly, since I was told this I have found my fitness level has seriously worsened and my body is not as toned and really my pain and fatigue have worsened! To me doing daily yoga is important but I feel a little lost as to how to practice and how to increase my fitness without doing harm.

Now obviously people are probably going to chime in with ‘get a fitness trainer’ however the fact that I can rarely leave the house and the cost that is really not an option. I am kind of left with the option of you tube which is what I have been using but I feel like I am starting all over again and the motivation when my fatigue levels are where they are now and with my pain is so hard to find! I would love to just go for a simple walk, but the weather is hot here right now and I keep having dizzy spells so that is not much of an option for me to do I wouldn’t want to have a fall out on my own!

So am I left looking in the mirror feeling like my outside doesn’t match my inside? That I am doomed to not being able to feel healthy and sexy because I have chronic illnesses? Do you guys think this is what I should just accept or is there another way that I have yet to see or hear about? I would love some input so please leave me a comment, drop me an email, or hit me up on instagram honestly I need some help not feeling like Buddha every time I look at my tummy!

Namaste xxx

PS. I have been nominated in the WEGO Health Awards for my you tube channel and would love it if you would please click below and consider endorsing me thank you x

 

 

Making a fresh start after a depression flare

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

Last month was pretty hard for me, I lost my grandmother and I turned 40…yeah I did not appreciate that!

I got a little lost in everything, grief kind of took over and I stopped doing a lot of the things that I love. I stopped practising yoga, I stopped eating three meals a day, I stopped looking after myself and I was miserable! I was feeling overwhelmed with grief and I kind of shut down because I couldn’t process everything that happened in such a short space of time.

I was starting to think that would never clear away and that I would be stuck with my depression at a new higher level. I was considering going back to my doctor to get my antidepressants raised, but I am very disillusioned with doctors right now. I have been depressed since I was 14years old, and I have had fibromyalgia and ME since I was in my early twenties and nothing has changed doctors still just throw tablets at me instead of trying to find out why I hurt and how to treat that…but I digress!

So I was thinking of making an appointment and then April came along…

This month felt different, I started reading again, and I got hold of a copy of Medical Medium, I also finished the Heal Chronic Fatigue course I have been doing since January 1st and you can see my videos about that here. The course really started my interest in alternatives to western medicine and I am enjoying the journey that I have started on. I honestly think looking into nutrition and natural remedies might be the way forward to getting some relief.

So now my depression flare has lifted I feel like I can get back to things again, updating this blog weekly, and my You Tube channel twice a week. I did yoga this morning and managed to dust the living room, and though I am sore and tired I feel accomplished. It feels good to do the things that make me happy again and though I know this new way of looking at my illnesses will take time and research and I need to be patient with myself, but I am excited!

So let me know in the comments any tips and tricks or books I should read? I am going to be documenting this journey as I go both here and over on my You Tube so make sure you are subscribed to both so you don’t miss out when I update.

Namaste xxx

New season new me

Photo by vision webagency on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

Yes September is here, the leaves are starting to turn, and there are Halloween decorations in the shops! It is my favourite time of the year, so much cosier and I absolutely love the relief of getting away from the heat of summer and the settling down of my symptoms.

As I usually do when there is a big change in weather, I have gone through my wardrobe and got rid of things…and replaced them with things from the sales! Usually I buy a couple of things and leave it at that but this time I have decided to change my style a lot more than I ever have before.

My style is usually grungy and hippy with not a lot of focus on what I wear because I rarely go out and even more rarely ever see anyone! However, after watching people on you tube who wear more of a vintage style and are confident enough to wear more feminine and less ‘fashionable’ clothing that can be found in charity shops and antique places.

Now I have always wanted to dress more 1930s-50s not rockabilly, but more authentic? However, I stand out a lot when I am in a wheelchair or using my walking stick and I kind of always wanted to hide away? Well no more!!!

If you watch my latest You tube video HERE then you will see some of the items I managed to get in sales to start off my collection. I am going to be thrifting and keeping my peepers peeled for cheap places to get this sort of clothing. I love that these pieces suit my hourglass shape more and they will not go out of fashion so I will be able to wear them without worry next year.

I have been changing things up a lot in my life recently and it feels so good to get motivated and get my style and our home looking more like we want it to. I feel so much more inspired and motivated, so maybe if you feel a bit stagnent it is time to clear things out and redecorate a room, or just donate some old clothes that you no longer wear?

Namaste xxx

Hello

Hi there I am Beverley, I am a Buddhist Christian trying to find a way to live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, spondylitis, Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I live with my Husband Lee and our dog Gizmo and our budgies Rey and Finn. I live in England and look forward to getting to know you better. I will be updating once a week, usually a Monday.

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