So today I did something big…I cleared out my DVDs! The picture here I found on google but my collection was not far off it!!
When I first got sick I was young, I had just finished university and qualified as a nurse, I had a boyfriend and I lived alone in a city away from my parents. I was happy and I had a five year plan everything was going well. But because I could barely walk I lost my job, and I was living in a nurses home so I had to move out basically everything fell away from me in weeks and I soon found myself living back in my small town with my parents.
I became incredibly bored and really depressed, I had a lot of time on my hands suddenly and this was time I needed to rest. I had always loved films and TV shows and so I started to collect DVDs, films and box sets soon mounted into the hundreds and in the house I have now they take up three cabinets and a lot of room!
I realized that it was a problem a few months ago, I now have sky TV and Amazon between both of them most of the films and TV shows I loved were available to watch. However I was scared to give them up, I had needed them when I was back at my parents, single and hating my life. They got me through a breakdown, suicidal thoughts were pushed aside for a while as I watched them and I was emotionally holding onto them.
Today me and my husband went through our collection and it felt like taking a huge weight off my shoulders, I hadn’t realized how I was holding myself back by holding onto them. I study Buddhism now and as he once said:
“Life is a river always flowing, do not hold onto things.”
As always his wisdom is so true, my life has moved on and yet my attachment to these things were keeping my emotions back in that time. I am married now, we own our own home, and I even have a different diagnosis because back then they thought it was Multiple Sclerosis. Also I take my self-care a lot more seriously, I study Buddhism and Christianity, I eat healthy food and I do yoga.
I am looking forward to giving these DVDs to charity shops or even friends and family I know as they leave my life I will feel better and better. Our health is always our focus when we have chronic illness and it is easy to forget that mental health is just as important, so maybe it is time to clear out your closet or give away those old things that are holding you back?