How To Stay Calm Under Pressure
Occasionally, we all experience feelings of fear and anxiety. Sometimes they seem to appear out of nowhere and other times we know exactly what’s causing them. It could be a presentation at work, a difficult conversation, a mistake you’ve made, or simply being thrown into a situation that feels unfamiliar. Whatever the reason, anxiety has a way of making everything feel bigger than it really is. Your stomach starts doing somersaults, your hands feel shaky, and suddenly it’s difficult to focus on anything other than the thing that’s worrying you. While it’s much easier to calm yourself down when you’re at home in your comfort zone, that’s not always possible.…
You Are Worthy of Love
I think so many people struggle to believe that you are worthy of love when you are disabled, and much of this comes from the messages we absorb as we are growing up in this society. We worry that needing help makes us selfish or a burden, and that our illnesses make us hard to love. There is also a feeling that we should be grateful for any support we receive, and if I am honest, these are things I struggled with myself. It has taken me a long time, and a wonderful husband to realise that needing care makes me no less worthy of being loved. My illnesses are…
Finding Small Joys on Difficult Days
I used to measure my good days by how much I got done; I pressured myself to pushing against my symptoms to ‘achieve’ and it became exhausting. I have since learned that peace, comfort and rest are so meaningful, and finding joys on difficult days is so important. Some days, joy looks less like achievements, and more like listening to my body, resting before needed, and slowing down. The Quiet Shift: Stopping the Fight In last week’s blog post, I spoke about the reality of ‘good days’ when it comes to chronic illness. This week I want to tackle the shift that occurs when I started finding small joys on…
What a “Good Day” Really Means With Chronic Illness
As someone who has lived with chronic illnesses for over twenty years, I know that ‘good days’ often come with people assuming I am well. People saying I am looking better, or I seem well today do nothing but show people assume our symptoms come with on and off switches. Today I want to chat about what a good day really means with chronic illness, and how it feels from our side of things. A Good Day Doesn’t Mean Symptoms Disappear A good day is not feeling well, and I think this is the confusion that many people in society have because they know and understand feeling better after being…
The Softest Version of Self-Care on Low Energy Days
In our society, self-care is often seen as something that needs to be done, bought, aesthetic or aspirational in some way. But on low spoon days, this can feel like another burden that has to be done instead of something nice to feel good. We need to redefine self-care and what it means when we live with fatigue, burnout, menopause, neurodivergence or emotionally difficult times. To those of us with chronic illnesses and disabilities, it needs to look less like fixing ourselves, and more like building the softest version of self-care on low energy days. Redefining Self-Care I think too often, we think of expensive routines, or constantly upgrading our…
Wanting to Feel Seen When You’re Chronically Ill
I have had people talking over me and behind me when I’m in my wheelchair, had to say no to plans with friends because it isn’t accessible. I have even gone out with family, only to realise they didn’t book accessible seats so I couldn’t see at a concert. That deep and aching feeling of not being considered or our needs being met. Wanting to feel seen when you’re chronically ill is something we have all felt, we aren’t alone in this. The Experience of Feeling Invisible I used to be a very different person, I lived alone and had a job I was proud of, I worked hard and…
Chronic Illness, Identity & Letting Go
There has been a lot of change in my life, I guess that’s why using the name Beverley Butterfly makes sense! But right now, as I step into menopause, and look back to see how chronic illness, identity and letting go affected me I often wonder how I became this version of me? Chronic illness does not just affect our bodies, it reshapes our identity and we grieve and unmask and find ourselves. The Quiet Identity Shift of Chronic Illness It’s funny but our identity changes slowly, it’s not a wake up one morning and realise you are disabled. It took me years to understand that I was, and more…
When Your Body Says No
Yesterday I went out to get my hair trimmed and to pick up a couple of things from the shops. It’s something most people do in between other jobs, but for me it was a big trip that would have lasting effects on me for days. Internal and external expectations for tasks are often very different, and the world can assume that opportunity should be answered with yes. But living with chronic illness means navigating the world in a body that acts differently and when your body says no, there is no fighting it… we must rest! The Expectation vs Reality Gap Society has a lot of expectations, positivity, productivity,…
Low-Energy Living: A Gentle Routine for Flare Days
This morning, I woke up tired, my body aching and brain fog making the world seem confusing and words hard to find. I need to write this blog post, and yet when my body is struggling it always feels as if I have to let go of my expectations for the day and instead face reality. These flare days are not lazy, they are all about survival, so it feels like the perfect day to tell you about a gentle routine for flare days. This is what these days really look and feel like. What a “Routine” Looks Like on Flare Days Most of my life has felt pretty rigid,…
Transition Seasons & Chronic Illness: Why Spring Isn’t Always Energising
This year, I am trying for gentle living, pacing and supporting my low spoon body instead of constantly pushing it. But with so much pressure to start spring cleaning, this time of year can feel more overwhelming than energising. But my body is still moving slowly, transition seasons and chronic illness need a softer and gentler approach, so let’s chat about it. Seasonal Transitions Can Be Hard on the Body One strange thing, that I didn’t realise until I became sick, is the effect that the seasons have on our bodies. The seasonal shifts themselves are seasonally demanding, which is why I am trying to live more seasonally. Keeping pace…
