Trying to live with Chronic Illness

brain fog

Photo by Hush Naidoo on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

So a couple of posts ago HERE, I talked about how I felt the NHS had let me down because since my diagnosis was changed from Multiple Sclerosis to Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have had hardly any medical intervention since then and have felt like nobody cared, this started me feeling depressed and lost and honestly I had stopped going to see my GP because I never got answers I wanted and I just put up with worsening symptoms.

So after thinking about it for a little bit, I sent an email to my doctor’s surgery with an explanation and a link to that post. I wanted to see if it would make a difference and I wanted to make sure that this kind of thing did not happen to anyone else. I suspected that I simply fell through the cracks of an already overstretched and underfunded NHS, but I am still a human and it was about time I needed to be my own advocate.

I heard back early the next day from the surgery manager who said they were very sorry about how I felt and the doctor wanted to see me. I got a phone call later that day and I have an appointment to discuss my concerns and hopefully get some of my symptoms treated and referred to the right people.

This really did reinforce for me that I am my own advocate, and though I know the NHS is given a raw deal by the government, and though I used to be on the other side, I deserve to be treated better. I read a lot of blogs run by other chronic illness warriors and I follow them on You Tube and I see the sort of treatments that they recieve and I have been given none of those options. So this week I am going to be researching and printing things off and taking it all to the doctors because I need more than I am getting.

So this was a big lesson to myself, but also I hope that it inspires all of you that if you are not feeling supported or well treated by your medical team speak up! I am going to be taking my husband with me to back me up and I am going to make sure together we are heard…nobody can speak up for you unless you try to speak up for yourself.

So if there is any research or treatments you think I need to look into leave me links in the comments and I will get researching!

Namaste xxx

Photo by Jonathan Fink on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

Yeah my body right now is painful, my joints hurt, my head aches and I am struggling to get enough energy to keep up with the housework and overall this is what we call a flare! Everyone with chronic illness knows what I mean by a flare, it is when your symptoms get worse and new symptoms even sometimes come to join the party!

When this happens it can be very easy to feel like a useless, painful lump on the sofa and wonder why your loved ones put up with you. I often feel guilty that my wonderful husband has to help me and I can fall into depression which as a chronic sufferer usually gets worse too. However, by using logic and finding ways to make life fun, you can get through to the other side without spending every day crying and feeling like the world would work better without you!

  1. TV shows – I am a Netflix user and right now I am using my flare and bad fatigue as a very good excuse to marathon all those TV shows in my watch list. Right now we are on season 2 of Stranger Things which is absolutely amazing and we are very much enjoying The Crown! Spending time cuddled up with a loved one or an equally cool friend watching awesome TV really distracts you from the negative thoughts that can start crowding in.
  2. Logic – I find a great way to fight my depression is to use logic, so when the depression tells me I am useless I think about what a good friend I am and how when I am well enough I do housework. If it tells me my husband would be better off without me, I look at him and see how happy he is with me and how silly he is and it pushes it away. Using logic to counter every negative thought works really well and was something an old therapist told me to do.
  3. Plan your week – Being organised comes naturally to me and is something I have always done, but it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. One thing I suggest is planning your week, split your jobs or chores up into smaller jobs you can manage and do them spread out over the week. Yes this can be frustrating, but it is better to do a little every day than to try and tackle big jobs that either do not get done or defeat you and leave you feeling worse.
  4. Put things away – One thing that comes with high fatigue is the very real problem of using things and not having the energy to put them away. It can leave your home feeling crowded, untidy and overwhelming, it takes a lot less energy to put one thing away than fifty, so next time you need to get up to go to the toilet or something like that, just put things away and tidy up. Keeping my home looking tidy helps me feel better especially if friends or family turn up!
  5. Be kind to yourself – This is a hard one, but imagine you are talking to your best friend and she said that she felt really sick all week and hadn’t been able to do housework and she felt really guilty about it…now imagine what you would say to her…treat yourself like your best friend. Be compassionate and loving and caring to yourself and always have a treat in the cupboard for emergencies!
  6. You can cry if you want to – No matter if you do all these things there will always be days when nothing helps, so shout at your illness not your loved ones and let those tears out. Crying is really healthy and not a sign of weakness at all like our society likes to make out. Do not be afraid to put some sad movies on and let it all out trust me the next day will feel better if you do not bottle everything up!

I hope if you are in a flare these help you like they have helped me and I hope things settle down very soon. Please leave me any coping solutions you use when your illnesses flare up down in the comments I would love to find some other ways to help.

Namaste xxx

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

First of all sorry I needed to take a little break but it has to be expected when you run a blog with chronic illnesses! Also I had my PIP assessment which is to see if I qualify for a benefit here in the UK and the stress and worry from that has not helped!

However, here I am half asleep and frankly p***ed off!!! My fatigue has flared and I honestly feel like I am trapped inside my body! I try to keep up with my housework and to do things that make me feel human, like shower and wash my face and get dressed, but it is a constant battle! I wake up every morning after sleeping like the dead feeling just as tired as the night before and yet I have things I need to do on that day!

I find myself feeling so guilty when my husband is at work and I am just lying about doing nothing but staring into space. I wonder if he would be happier without me and if I am just a useless lump. Then I have to try and shake off the depression and try not to do an impression of Eeyore so I can hopefully pull myself out of this slump and get things done.

I wish I could say this will be a useful and positive post but honestly I am just fed up! I have things I want to get done, like my yoga practice and bible study and a little housework just like I could before and yet I feel so tired and my body feels so heavy I can barely think straight no matter get jobs done!

So instead of giving out tips and tricks of how I deal with things I am reaching out to the chronic illness community and asking for tips? Do you suffer with fatigue and if you do how do you make sure that jobs and goals do not just pile up while you nap? Leave me some comments here or on social media links are around let me know please? I need something to help before I go mad!

Namaste xxx

Photo by Dustin Lee on Unsplash

Hey everyone!

This week I wanted to talk about fatigue and how hard it can be to just want to get out of a warm, comfortable bed when all you want to do is rest. When you wake every morning in pain, your joints stiff, your head aching and every limb hurting on top of extreme fatigue it is so hard to want to get up and get your jobs done.

I spoke on this weeks Chronic Illness Video (HERE) about how fatigue feels, it is not just being tired, or how you feel if you couldn’t get comfortable at night so check that out if you think it is! Fatigue is deep inside extreme tiredness that makes it impossible to want to do anything.

Now if you have been reading my blogs for a while, you will know that I am a very motivated person and if I set myself goals I will do anything to achieve them. The problem comes, when your body is heavy and tired and you cannot think straight enough that you are still a person who wants to do things and be a human! You have dreams and goals and when day after day you are not well enough to achieve them that can be incredibly demoralising and depressing.

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this, I have been sick since 2002 and I have just started to be able to do it! But, being patient and not letting guilt take over can be the first steps in accepting what you can and cannot do and then coming to peace with your illness and your goals.

In Buddhism, acceptance and peace are the main goals and applying that to my illnesses has helped me to relax that inner need to do the housework every day and do a yoga routine every day and take the dog out and cook healthy dinners and…..There will always be ‘ands’ but take a breath and remember that being the perfect person is not something we can ever achieve.

I am reading a book called ‘How to live well with chronic pain and illness: A mindful guide’ by Toni Bernhard and to quote her:

“The unrealistically high standard at work here is that we don’t think we should be chronically ill. Even though 130 million people suffer from chronic illness in the United States alone, we live in a culture that repeatedly suggests that, with proper diet and lifestyle changes, no one need be sick and no one need be in pain. When we’re not living up to what we perceive  to be that cultural standard, we feel embarrassed.”

For me that really hit the nail on the head, it is society constantly telling us that we should be perfect, loved, and happy if we just eat the right foods, do the right exercise, everything will be sunshine and roses! But when famous people, who the press tell us are perfect and to be like them, are committing suicide, taking drugs and turning to alcohol to cope…can we really expect our lives to be perfect?

I think what I am trying to say is, do not let society make you feel less because you couldn’t do that load of washing, or you were in too much pain to walk the dog! Be prepared to have days, sometimes weeks even months, when all you can do is rest and do not feel less because you need to just sit.

My best advice is to use a slow cooker and have meals prepared in the freezer, have family help you to do things and do not let anyone ever make you feel less because I know you are fighting every day just to want to get out of bed and some days that is enough!

Namaste xxx

Today I talk about how tiring it can be to be sick and want to still achieve more than my body will allow me.

Photo by Benjamin Combs on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

I am feeling a little overwhelmed and tired, and it is all because I want to be able to be a person a normal person and I want to do things and get things done but my body feels so heavy and painful and tired! I sometimes feel like I am trapped in a body that does not want to do the things I do so it tries to hold me back and stop me from doing what I want to do!

For example, today has been a good day I have done a short yoga sequence, cleaned the bathrooms, had a shower and now I want to write and catch up on things…but now I am in pain in the back of my head, my shoulders and upper back. I also feel so tired I keep having to retype words because my hands will not do what I need them to!

Part of me thinks it would be easier to give up and live in a dump let myself get fat and my brain go numb watching daytime TV!!! However, I am not built that way, I need to learn and grow I need to keep on top of my body which is squishier than I’d like, but I can only do my best right?

So, I know this post is a little moany, but to be honest that is how I feel at the moment! My husband is struggling too I think it is the weather! In the UK right now it is cloudy, hot and the air feels heavy. This kind of weather gives me a lot of headaches and my pain is always worse when the weather is up and down like the typical British summer.

Now, if you read my blog regularly you might be wondering how I am going to get myself back to the positive again????

Well, I have thought long about this and I think I am going to tackle things in smaller chunks! I am going to spread my work out through the day so maybe 10-15 minutes three times a day instead of trying to do it all in one?  Also, maybe break down my cleaning even more, so if there are a lot of ornaments in a room, maybe clean it over two days? Yes when pain and fatigue get’s overwhelming it can be easy to give up and yes I have a little weight to lose right now, but if I am patient and keep on fighting I can do this!

Namaste xxx

Today I talk about how hard it is to get back to the way things were after a flare of my fibromyalgia Hey everybody!

The last year has been incredibly hard for me, I lost my Granddad, I had a flare of my fibromyalgia and my depression crashed down on me. I stopped really caring about how my house looked, how clean and tidy it was, I stopped looking after myself and just got lost in symptoms, and depression.

After recently seeing a psychic (HERE is a video about that) I found my depression and grief lifted and I started to realise that I wanted my life back. I might have constant pain, anxiety, fatigue and neurological problems, but I like my life and I am happy. I don’t expect a lot from life and all I want is to get back to daily yoga, meditation, and housework and to have enough energy to cook a healthy meal in the evening.

So how am I going to manage this when my flare has left me with more pain and fatigue though the worst of it has eased along with the depression. Well, if you have been following my blog for a while you will know that I am a planner, and this is how I am going to get my routines back.

I have my week ahead planned, I know what I am going to do and how, and that has left me feeling far less worried and overwhelmed. I have remade up my natural cleaning products and I am back to my determination to lessen the amount of chemicals in my home. I am hoping that with my new plans, my determined nature and lots of breaks I will be able to keep up with the daily routine I started today.

I woke up and took my medications at the usual time and then hit the yoga mat for a gentle 30minute practice, I then lay down and followed a 15minute guided meditation and then a short bible study. I then ate a yummy smoothie bowl and rested for a while before cleaning my living room. By the time I had done these things it was after 1pm and I was amazed at how long these few things took me, however I felt incredibly proud of myself for taking my time and listening to my body. After a shower, I came here and wrote this blog, I am hopeful that by breaking things into shorter tasks and being organised I can do this routine every day.

What I want to say is, life is hard with chronic illness, they grind you down and can become so hard to live with, but if you keep pushing and keep motivated you can still achieve your goals!

Namaste xxx

This week I talk about my increased pain and how I am turning to alternative therapies for help Hey everybody!

Summer is here in England, and as we Brits know that means it is hot, humid, stormy and can be raining in the morning, blazing sun in the afternoon and that night have a storm! The problem for us fibromyalgia sufferers is that means our symptoms start to shout and make themselves known and mine certainly are!

I have been having a lot of sinusitis, headaches, pressure migraines, burning pain in my arms and legs, and increased pain in my shoulders, upper back and neck…basically I hurt everywhere and the medications I am on from the doctors are not really helping anymore! Usually I would make an appointment to see someone and get my meds reviewed, but at the moment that is not really an option as getting an appointment means waiting about a month or begging and pleading every day!

So being typical me I hit google for alternative therapies and the one thing I have not been trying is supplements. The problem is as you can see from THIS LIST is that there are so many recommended for fibromyalgia how do I know where to start? I am feeling very lost and overwhelmed and wishing I could win the lottery so I could maybe have all the latest treatments and get rid of the daily pain!

However, as that is not really an option I have ordered two books from Amazon one is From Fatigued to Fantastic and Pain Free 1-2-3 both by Jacob Teitelbaum. I got them used and they are coming from the USA, but by getting them second hand I am saving almost £25!! I am someone who does believe in Western medicine, afterall I was a nurse before I got sick, but honestly I feel like it is letting me down and I need to take control of my own health!

When I was wrongly diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis I had a psychiatrist, a neurologist, physiotherapy, accupuncture, even people to cut my toe nails so that I wouldn’t hurt myself while unable to feel my feet. Now I have a different diagnosis all of that has gone away, and it is really hard for me to get in to see my GP. My symptoms however, have not changed and I sometimes feel like I have been kicked out and left to deal with it all by myself. Well if that is the case I am going to study and get my symptoms under control by myself I am not going to let it beat me!

So readers, what alternative therapies do you use? What have you tried has has or has not worked and are there any books that have helped you?

Namaste xxx

After a trip to London and a convention in one week I need to talk about recovery Hey everybody!

Phew what a week!!! Monday I travelled alone by train to London to stay with my best friend Louise, we both have chronic illnesses so we mainly rested, but we did go to see two plays! And then I came home, rested for one day and then went to a convention where I met some of the cast from IZombie!

London is overwhelming in itself because of me mostly being home alone and being in a small town, but add into that a convention and I feel dreadful! My pain level is about 11/10 and my fatigue saw me not get out of bed until 3pm today!!! I need a holiday to recover I think, instead I am at home and using everything in my arsenal to be able to get my body through it!

I love having these little adventures, but my body really struggles with it so I have to be careful and rest lots, which I did. Thankfully Louise understands and we only went to the plays with nothing else planned while I was there. We spent a lot of time in our PJs and resting which was a lifesaver when I went to the convention!

Now I have a pressure migraine, I am so tired and my upper back in painful, my arms and legs are burning and overall I just need time to recover. I do struggle with giving myself a break and understanding I need to rest more than most people. My father my whole life made jokes that I am lazy and he still does it now, I often feel like I let him down because I am not able to work or to keep up with things like he can.

However, I realise he just doesn’t get it and I have to quiet those voices that make me want to push myself to the point where I have a flare and end up needing more meds or referrals for more care! Instead, I need to rest, to use whatever medications, lotions, potions, heating pads or anything at all that can help my body recover. I wish I could ignore my body and push through but that would be stupid, I am not well and I need to give myself a break. So I will look through my photographs from my adventures and remember it was all worth it!!

Namaste xxx

Hello

Hi there I am Beverley, I am a Buddhist Christian trying to find a way to live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I live with my Husband Lee and our dog Gizmo and our budgies Rey and Finn. I live in England and look forward to getting to know you better. I will be updating once a week.

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