Health Update,  Mental Health

Pushing passed Guilt with Fatigue

Photo by Xavier Sotomayor on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

So it is getting closer to Christmas, with plans for visiting relatives and going out for dinner on the day as well as visiting my elderly Nan are all hovering over me. Of course, my body has chosen right now to get a cold and to hit me hard with fatigue that leaves me laying on the sofa unable to think straight no matter get dinner going!

My wonderful husband has epilepsy and his medications make him drowsy and tired, yet he comes home from work and makes dinner, helps me undress and get into bed and listens to me natter on and on about TV shows and Instagram and whatever else is in my head!

The problem is that I am constantly hit with guilt, I am forever saying sorry to him and that drives him insane! But I do feel so guilty, about him having to cook after being at work all day and I just hate that I feel like a useless blob on the sofa!

So much of our self-worth in society is tied up in what we do for a living, where we live, how we look and if you are unable to keep up, judgement comes from inside as well as from society at large. I find even my mother, who has Multiple Sclerosis, give me looks and makes comments when I ask Lee to pass me something or to help me. So when it even comes from those we think should understand how are we as chronic illness sufferers meant to keep our heads up and not drown in guilt?

I know many of you will understand what I am saying and will probably agree with a lot of points I have said, but my question is if we cannot do the housework and we need to put on family and friends how do we push passed this guilt that comes with fatigue? How do I as a woman who prides herself on having a clean and tidy house, deal with being unable to keep up with keeping everywhere clean? How do I pass jobs on to my husband when he is already tired from work and not feel like the most awful failing housewife?

Usually, I like to give tips and ideas but this time it is me asking for them: How do you keep your self worth going when you are unable to work or keep up with housework? How do you push passed the guilt that comes with times of extreme fatigue? Answers in the comments please? I will hopefully do a follow up to this post soon with some conclusions and helpful ideas to help my fellow Spoonies keep their self worth high!

Namaste xxx

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  • Claire Saul

    Oh Beverley, I couldn’t have put it better myself from constantly apologising to being unable to keep my home how I want it. It is worse with the boys home, and my daughter is so messy anyway. We have a constant flow of young people in and out, which is great that they are comfortable here – but tyring to keep on top of the toilets and the dirty floors just stresses me out. I wish I could give you an answer – but I can’t! Feeling pretty similar and had to cancel an outing last night due to POTS symptoms. Just know I am here with you!! much love ffor the next few days xxx

  • Shelah

    Oh how I wish I knew. I work full-time…or at least I’m trying to do so. I have fibro, but my life stealer is the chronic migraine condition that takes most of my days away. I try to keep up with art, with producing coloring books, with website and editing and being the other half in a relationship. I’m worn down, exhausted. I feel constantly guilty for what I may not be able to do. My home suffers my inability to keep up with it all. I cancel on social gatherings all the time and miss a ton of work. We can only do what we can do. We all have ailments that hit us in different levels and not everyone realizes that just because they might have a chronic condition, their level of energy and pain may not be a match for what you’re dealing with.

    • ZombieButterfly

      I honestly do not know how you manage to work and deal with all of this! I wish I could though if I did I know my illnesses would hate me even more than they usually do! It is comforting to know I am not alone in this and I appreciate your commenting so much x

  • Kathy

    Hi, Beverley! I can relate to the guilt issue. I did have a thought. Is it possible for you and your husband to use a crockpot or make some extra food on the weekend or weeknights and either use it the next day or freeze it for later? When I make soup, stew, or pasta dishes I always make enough for another meal. As for cleaning, I try to do what I can in short 15 minute periods. I have found encouragement over housekeeping from this website:

    • ZombieButterfly

      We do have a crockpot and I do try and use it to make extra but using it more is certainly a good idea I will bring up with hubby and see what he thinks. Thank you for the link I will go look for some insight now take care x

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