Trying to live with Chronic Illness


Looking ahead at the end of the year

looking ahead at the end of the year
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Hey everybody,

Sometimes it takes opening up to make things happen as you start looking ahead at the end of the year. I have been working hard to try not to be a people pleaser anymore but after being one for so long it is kind of hard to just change you know? 

However, though I have been working hard to learn to be a psychicover the last two years, it never felt right to me and I was scared to tell my teacher the lovely Linda, in case I upset her or let her down. 

But I really do not enjoy talking about and to people who have passed on. I was doing that because I had been told to do it when I saw a psychic myself. On reflection though, I really feel as if she was setting me on my spiritual journey and did not mean that I force myself to become something I do not want to become. 

So I finally spoke to Linda and the relief I felt was immediate! Honestly it just felt so good to be open and to trust that the friendship we have built is stronger than me just saying I do not feel this is my path.

We talked and now I think I am going to take her Meditation coursein March. The course shows you how to teach meditation and how to lead classes. This is much more me and I am so excited to start! As well as that, when we have the money, I am hoping to learn Reiki and her course looks amazing so I cannot wait!!

It really showed me that this is my path, this is my journey and I should feel confident enough to speak up. I do not know what the future holds for me, but I definitely want to help people heal and to improve themselves and I know the right things will cross my path at the right times if I stay true to myself. 

As for my health? Well it could be better….

My pain in my upper abdomen is still there, even after coming off the meds that reacted with the antibiotics to cause gastritis. I had a blood test, but honestly they just came back to tell me I am anaemic and said nothing about my liver function which was the point of the test! 

I am concerned about my liver, but getting to see our doctor is harder than having tea with the queen so I do not know what to do! I keep worrying my liver is bleeding and that is why I am anaemic, but then I try and remember I have chronic illnesses so maybe it will just take longer for me to recover? 

I feel awful today though, very tired and shaky and urgh and my stomach is swollen and painful and honestly? I just want to go to bed! I had an awful nights sleep and my pain is pretty bad so yeah might take a nap after this…

Namaste xxx

Ups and downs

Ups and downs

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Hey everybody!

Well December has arrived, and we are all reflecting back on the year, while either dreading or getting excited for Christmas. As we look back we realise we all have times where we struggle but it is rarely all one way or the other, life is just full of ups and downs.

Over the last few days I have been thinking back, and a good way of doing this I realised was to look at my vision board. I have never made one before, but I recently read a book called Moonology where the author teaches you about how to work with the moon and part of it is that you create a vision board monthly of things you want to make happen.

I made this at the last new moon and soon the new moon will be here again and so I wanted to look at my board and see what had happened and what had not. I am not yet pregnant, having sex when you have chronic pain can be very difficult to navigate and with a low blood count and pain as well I just am not interested or if I am the thought of the pain puts me off!

I am not yet connected to my spirit guides in a way that people I know are, which can be frustrating but I am trying to concentrate on the fact that this is my own journey. It can often be tempting to compare or worry but I am me alone and I am working on being confident in my own journey.

My You Tube channel is growing slowly, but it is growing and though I had hoped to reach 500 subscribers by the end of this moon cycle I have to remember how I am not very good at promoting myself. But I am learning and people who have more experience in You Tube have come into my life so I know it will happen I just need to put their advice into practice.

Friendships is something I have really wanted to work on, I always find myself alone, this is mainly because my friends either have children or they work full time or shifts or live far away. But I wanted to change the loneliness so I added friendship to my vision board because I wanted to attract more time with friends into my life. My friend Josh, who did my crystal healing and past life regression, has been coming to see me every couple of weeks and we talk more or less every day. I am taking the time to try and plan fun things to do with Louise and Hannah so that we do not lose our friendships that we have built over so many years. Then me and Lee went out for a mean with our neighbours Jess and Paul last night and that was so much fun it was really nice to see them and just hang out. So that is working for sure though is it the vision board or me? Not sure but either way I am happy about it!

And lastly daily yoga, I used to practice yoga every day and of the four pathways of yoga it is the most accepted and recognised in society, though I cannot do crazy poses I do love to lose myself in yoga! However, with the amount of pain I have been having and lack of energy due to my low blood count I find if I practice yoga I can literally get nothing else done! I almost feel as if I am starting fresh from the start again and it is frustrating when you used to do something daily and you cannot seem to get into a routine with it again! This I am working on though I am not giving up!

So you see, as I look back over the year, it very much resembles the results of my first time using a vision board! I have made great strides in my spiritual life and I have learned so much about my faith! I have started to love and study crystals, and I have managed to have some lovely days out, as well as being blessed to work with companies both on here and on my You Tube channel. But I have also had new symptoms, new diagnoses, money struggles, and set back with plans and things I have wanted to achieve.

All in all however, it has been a good year, I have learned a lot and been happier than I think I ever have in my life! Finally I am me and I am learning what that means and how to be the best me I can every day! Life is always about ups and downs, it is never a straight path, but then if it was we wouldn’t learn as much and wouldn’t it be boring?

Namaste xxx




When you feel like you’re running on empty

When you feel like you're running on empty

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Hello my butterflies!

My blood count is low, I have been put back on iron tablets and that’s it really! It’s so hard when you feel like you’re running on empty!

Now I have suffered with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME) and fatigue from my other illnesses for years now, but if you remember I wrote a post not too long ago explaining that antibiotics had given me gastritis. So I had to have some blood taken so they could keep an eye on my liver and find out how it has been affected if at all.

A few days ago I got a phone call from my doctor that my blood count was low and they wanted me to take some iron tablets. Now had I not been overwhelmed I would have asked about my liver, but I didn’t think of it until after I had hung up. The blood test had been to check my liver but I found out my blood is low which explains my total lack of energy! Honestly, right now I feel like a rechargable battery on 2% power and trying to make it through the day!

The problem is that now I don’t know if the two are connected, is my liver bleeding? It does still hurt but nowhere near as bad as it was… and it is so hard not to worry when doctors don’t have time to read notes properly and see why you had tests in the first place!

I am being good and taking my meds as prescribed, but man I feel so tired and I was doing so well after having crystal healing as well! It is a little bit frustrating, but honestly after all these years coping with chronic illness I am used to the small steps backwards that come with it!

I did get a good deal from Black Friday though, my favourite online spiritual teacher Charis Melina had a sale on one of her workshops, Healing hands. It is usually $111 but on the Friday she had it as $11!!! I was so shocked and thankful and immediately signed up for it, the workshop was done in the past and it was a video that she sent me. Very intensive 2 hours with I think three meditations and lots of information about how to open the chakras in your hands and do reiki in a very basic way. I have done it twice on myself now and it feels so lovely! I am really excited to learn more so I am talking with my teach Lynda about learning with her.

I have to wait to find out, it will depend on what the DWP say after asking us to look again at my claim, I am hopeful they will raise things back up again which will help so much. But things happen for a reason, if I am meant to be a healer and learn reiki it will happen just have to have faith and be patient…I am quite good at that with chronic illness!

Namaste xxx

The connection review

Today I have posted a review of an inspiring book and film that can show you proof that the mind and body are linked and working on the mind can help your illness“I have been given this product as part of a product review through the Chronic Illness Bloggers network. Although the product was a gift, all opinions in this review remain my own and I was in no way influenced by the company. “

Hey everybody!

So today I get to talk about a topic close to my heart and that is because I was given the chance to read the book Whole Health Life and watch a film called The Connection. Both were passion projects written by a woman who was once crippled with pain from chronic illness.

When we meet Shannon Harvey in the book, we learn that she was trying to get ahead in her chosen profession of journalism when she first got sick. This really resonated with me because when I first got sick I had only been qualified as a nurse for 18months. Like Shannon I found the stress of the job and not looking after myself when I was not at work were really the crux of why I became so sick so fast and I think why the Drs were baffled at first.

Like the author, it took 5years for me to get a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and when I heard that I basically gave up. In the book and the film Shannon and the specialists she interviews, really show that the way the doctor gives you your diagnosis can really go on to influence how you go on to survive from the illness. For ten years I basically gave into my symptoms and gave up, and I found a lot of what I read in the book reflected my own journey and because of this there were times when I found the book very emotional and difficult to read.

It is hard to look back and think “wow I wasted a decade…” but yeah I did! Then one doctor’s visit I was told they had made a mistake it was not Multiple Sclerosis but Fibromyalgia with some neurological issues. When I got home from that I made a decision, I started to eat better, reduced the amount of chemicals I used, took up daily yoga and meditation and started to work on my depression and anxiety.

I feel a lot better after making that decision and it is the main reason that I wanted to start my blog, chronic illness is on the rise and we need to change the way we live or things are going to be bad! The film and the book really reinforced my decision to face my illness and fight it, I found it to be incredibly inspiring and uplifting as well as pretty challenging.

This is not an easy fix, nor is it a how to get better if you follow these easy steps and to be honest I am thankful for that! So many times people prey on the sick and try to get us to sign up for all sorts of potions, lotions and contraptions…however this book and film are merely made to give the facts. Everything is scientifically backed up, and nowhere in here is there something to sell. But, if like me you read this book and watch this movie and come away inspired to research alternative therapies, look for meditations, read scientific journals and you are willing to put in the work every day then you can find your way back to being healthy.

The WEBSITE for the project also has a brilliant podcast, as well as incredible resources that help you put the things you have read into the context of your life. I found this to be so helpful and really helped me to apply the things I read, I would for sure recommend reading the book first like I did because it has a lot more information that the film and goes a lot more in depth into her life and the research she found. The film is easy to follow and understand which I was worried about because it is interviews with doctors and health professionals and scientists, but I found it to be eye opening and really cemented the conclusions I had come to by reading the book.

You can find the book available HERE

The film is HERE

Have you read the book? If so what changes did it inspire in you and what things do you hope others will take from it? Leave me a comment I would love to talk about it.

Namaste xxx

Depression and frustration

eeyore_3 So last week I fainted, this is not something that has happened to me since I was 17 and saw Blur in concert with my boyfriend Andrew Edmonds….so yeah it is not something that happens! I went from feeling pretty good and getting ready to do yoga, to extreme fatigue and my hubby calling the paramedics!

I spent the rest of that day asleep because they did not take me in to have any tests or anything, the next day I went to my GP. She took my blood pressure which she said was low and told me to drink more (I drink 2 liters a day) and to exercise more even when I said I take my dog for short walks and do yoga when I can.

I am now on the verge of tears all the time and last night I cried myself to sleep, the doctor I was under for my anaemia was meant to see me again in December to check on me after doing an Endoscopy and Colonoscopy earlier this year. But I got a letter saying that they had to cancel that appointment and will instead put me on a waiting list!

I guess I am just sick of being so sick and no doctor seeming to care, and if one more person says if they are not worried you shouldn’t be I will scream! I want to know why first I became anaemic so suddenly and now have low blood pressure and what they are planning to do about it. I cannot carry on feeling so tired, so dizzy…pain I can work through but this is impossible! I feel a waste of space and it is really getting me down.

I am really trying to keep going I just wish I could stay positive when everything feels so useless

Namaste xxx

The return of anxiety

anxiety-cb Hi guys! Wow isn’t it strange how you can think you have kicked something’s ass then it comes back even worse? I have battled depression and anxiety my whole life, I struggled being alone out in the world and stayed in a relationship I shouldn’t have at university because I was afraid of being alone and having to do normal things. I got my confidence in the end but simple tasks like using the phone, going shopping, going on a bus etc are almost crippling to me and are things I have always really had to work at being able to do.

Then I started studying Buddhism, taking yoga seriously and learning to meditate and between those things I started to conquer it and though things were still hard I was able to work on things. I was able to talk to people I didn’t know, like saying hello and smiling to people as I took Gizmo a walk…small things like that are big to me.

A lot of my friends I know from going to conventions and though they are friends on facebook and twitter most of the time I don’t speak to anyone at the actual events! But I started to be able to and force myself to step out of my comfort zone and actually talk to them and I felt so elated and so so happy and proud of myself.

Then at christmas I became extremely anaemic suddenly and it meant I could barely do anything, I would have dizzy spells constantly and barely left the house or saw anyone for months. I couldn’t do yoga daily so I fell behind on my meditation and today? I feel anxious!

Last night I almost had a panic attack about not having received a physiotherapy appointment yet! I feel like I have taken a huge step back and now I am on medication for it and feeling more normal again I am determined to get back to daily meditation! Wish me luck!


Hi there I am Beverley, I am trying to find a way to live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, ankylosing spondylitis, Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I live with my Husband Lee and our dog Gizmo and our budgies Rey and Finn. I live in England and I am learning to be a psychic and I am on a spiritual journey I am excited to share with you. I look forward to getting to know you better, I will be updating Mondays and Fridays xx

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