Buddhism,  daily blog,  Mental Health

The return of anxiety

anxiety-cb Hi guys! Wow isn’t it strange how you can think you have kicked something’s ass then it comes back even worse? I have battled depression and anxiety my whole life, I struggled being alone out in the world and stayed in a relationship I shouldn’t have at university because I was afraid of being alone and having to do normal things. I got my confidence in the end but simple tasks like using the phone, going shopping, going on a bus etc are almost crippling to me and are things I have always really had to work at being able to do.

Then I started studying Buddhism, taking yoga seriously and learning to meditate and between those things I started to conquer it and though things were still hard I was able to work on things. I was able to talk to people I didn’t know, like saying hello and smiling to people as I took Gizmo a walk…small things like that are big to me.

A lot of my friends I know from going to conventions and though they are friends on facebook and twitter most of the time I don’t speak to anyone at the actual events! But I started to be able to and force myself to step out of my comfort zone and actually talk to them and I felt so elated and so so happy and proud of myself.

Then at christmas I became extremely anaemic suddenly and it meant I could barely do anything, I would have dizzy spells constantly and barely left the house or saw anyone for months. I couldn’t do yoga daily so I fell behind on my meditation and today? I feel anxious!

Last night I almost had a panic attack about not having received a physiotherapy appointment yet! I feel like I have taken a huge step back and now I am on medication for it and feeling more normal again I am determined to get back to daily meditation! Wish me luck!

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