Improving Communication as a Caregiver

Today I want to talk about improving communication as a caregiver and why it is so important to set boundaries. I wish I had advice before becoming a carer to my mom and I am sure I’m not alone in that. So, let’s get into it.

Anyone Could Become a Caregiver

In 2021 the census showed that there are 5.8million unpaid carers in the UK, and 1.7million of them provide over 50hours of care a week. These are shocking figures, many of these people are parents, spouses or children of the person needed the care.

These people save the country so much money as they provide care in ways that paid carers cannot provide. Reasons could be money as paid carers are expensive, or that the patient does not qualify for full time care in a facility or does not want to be there.

Unfortunately, as me and my husband found out five years ago, becoming a carer can happen suddenly and to anyone. We never thought mom needed help she hid it from us, until she had a fall, and we were called to help her.

We knew that day we needed to sell our home and move in to look after her because she was struggling to walk. As well as that she was borderline diabetic as she was not eating well because she couldn’t cook for herself.

Now, me and my husband work together to make sure she eats well, that she can get in and out of bed and is safe. I also help with personal care and assist her in the shower, all things that she struggles with herself.

Of course, if you are a long-time reader of this blog, you will know I am disabled myself, which is why my husband has to help both of us. It is a lot of work and takes a lot of time and energy from us, but like many carers we do it because she is family.

It is not something we would walk away from, but it is also something that is not always easy as it changes the dynamic of the relationship. Caring for a parent is difficult because I am now helping her and telling her to do things she might not want to, like her exercises!

At first, we argued a lot and I honestly felt like I was going to be miserable trying to help mom without back up or help from anyone. Family always offer to help at first, but they have their own lives and so it quickly all fell to me and my husband.

Often the thing that makes it hard to be a carer is how we talk to one another and how to explain things. Improving communication as a caregiver is something I have found I need to constantly work on in order to prevent hurt feelings and arguments.

How to Improve Communication

• Active Listening – This is something most people struggle with, but it is a part of mindfulness. It is when we actually listen without assuming what the person means or is going to say and without thinking about how you will respond before they have finished. I think it should be taught in school or something because it would make such a difference to the world if people would always do this. It is important for us carers to practice as people who struggle to express themselves might need more patience. But also, because family dynamics are never easy and listening without assuming what someone means can help prevent arguments.
• Patience – Having patience can be so hard when you are tired, in pain or struggling to communicate. But patience is a big part of being a caregiver and can make a big difference when it comes to avoiding arguments. They can flare so easily between family members, and I think it is what can make it so difficult to avoid and to talk calmly when the dynamic has shifted.
• Take Me Time – Yes, the old self-care talk, but it is so true that unless we look after ourselves as the caregiver, we can burn out. Often when it comes to family there is a pressure to do everything because you love them. But there are charities and groups in most areas that you can utilise in order to have some time for yourself. This could be a local knitting club, a weekly club that provides care so you can go shopping or just a friend to pop round for a natter. So, look into what is going on around you, even speak to your GP practice or local library to find out what is available and go from there.
• Boundaries – Now this one can be so difficult, but it is important to set boundaries for yourself if you are caring for a family member. With my mom there are certain topics or comments that I have had to shut down as well as making it clear that I need to look after my health as well. So, I have to ask for her patience so I can sit before getting something for her for example.
• Talk It Out – This is something that I wish we had done but talk about what the person needs and wants from you. It can be so easy to assume they need more help, take over and then they lose independence. Encouraging independence is so important and encourages the person to keep on moving their body and using their mind. This has been something that me and my mom are working through at the moment, and talking about it really helps.

I have found that improving communication as a caregiver has helped me and my mum to have a better relationship than we have ever had. Spending time together and learning to be open and honest and to foster a healthy communication has been wonderful. I really hope this article helps you to do the same, let me know in the comments.

Thank you xx

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