Trying to live with Chronic Illness

My diet

When will I ever learn?

Picture is the name of the blog written above a woman out of frame we see only her hands as she rolls up a bright teal coloured yoga mat with the title of the article written below

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Hey everybody!

Well now I was going to be good, I was trying to be good but then things happened…I stopped eating well…I started trying to do a yoga challenge…and my pain flared! When will I ever learn?

It is so hard because I know what I should do, I know it and I have written about it many times so why is it that I fell off the wagon? Me and my husband were left with fatigue and pain after having a take away pizza, and our diets had run into problems we were not eating the things we knew were good for us.

Everyone has good intentions, we all try our best to eat well especially us spoonies who suffer with increased symptoms if we don’t cut certain things out and add other things. We know it and logically we do our best but then all it takes is one night out where you have a pudding and you start to crave the things that are not good for you.

What makes it worse is that eating badly makes you feel worse, and the worse you feel the less you want to stand a cook! I do have a perching stool which I actually got years ago from occupational therapy, but still if the choice is that or ordering in you know what will win and I know it will be bad!

At least the weather has changed though so we can eat more slow cooker recipes which is such a help, and I love that I can just throw everything in when I feel ok in the morning and by dinnertime it is cooked. Yes I do love stews and soups and things like that they are cheap and easy to make and really nutritious because you can throw a ton of frozen vegetables in.

Of course, my diet isn’t all that fell off the wagon… Yoga with Adriene is how I used to do yoga a year or more ago, every day pushing my body and feeling great afterwards. However, with increased pain and the instability of my joints my physiotherapist said I was only to do low impact stuff. I found Sleepy Santosha and was doing well with her spoonie friendly routines and it was keeping me supple without pushing my body too far.

I was doing well until Adriene came out with a new 14 day yoga challenge to get everyone doing yoga, and I thought it won’t be hard she said it is for anyone! I know I know…by day 4 I was in so much pain and so fatigued I ended up having painsomnia and feeling dreadful! These things together and my body was screaming for me to stop.

The moral of this story is, if you know that doing the wrong thing is going to send you into a flare, be good just be good!

Namaste xxx

Surviving the nutritional minefield

Photo by Sambazon on Unsplash

Hey everybody!

So if you have been following my blog and you tube channel you will know I am currently doing HEAL CHRONIC FATIGUE COURSE and though it is set up as a six week course I have taken a little longer over the middle weeks. This is because it deals with nutrition and how we often think we are being healthy when we actually are being lied to by companies who use far too much sugar and salt and far too many chemicals!

I have been trying to find a healthy diet to follow for years now, but getting reliable information is so difficult! Just a simple google search will show you just how much emphasis there is on low fat and being thin rather than being healthy!! I have tried so many times but now I am even more determined because after reading what Zoe, who runs the course, says I want to be feeling as well and able to do things as possible.

Since starting the course, I have found myself able to do gentle yin yoga, a little light housework and shower every day which was impossible before! I am working hard to make sure I am getting enough sunshine, breathing fresh air, not relying on electric lamps too much and taking time off the ipad/phone and I am feeling better for it.

Nutrition is the last part of the puzzle, but where do I start??? Budget is a big factor, so I want to start making my own cereal bars and snacks, baking, and making our own bread…but so much is still confusing and hard to navigate. I am working my way through the food I already have in my home as I hate food waste, but as I run out I am making it a mission to replace each thing with a healthy alternative.

This is the only way I have found to navigate this HUGE minefield and to try and actually get good food that is not full of chemicals and sugar! I feel like as a whole diet is hard to understand for me, brain fog makes it hard to understand and I have memory problems that mean it is hard to remember a lot of information.

So one at a time I am going to replace the rubbish with food that has totally readable ingredients or that I have made myself, it is a scary and slightly daunting task but I want to do it. I want to reduce my symptoms as much as possible so I can be the best person I can, so I can keep up with housework and be a partner to my husband instead of someone who depends on him.

What are you doing to eat healthier? Do you bake and cook everything from scratch? Is there a specific diet that you follow? Let me know down below any help is most certainly appreciated!

Namaste xxx

Birthday Month Self Love

Today I talk about how I am changing my attitude to myself in the month of my birthday Hey everybody!

So on the 16th of this month it is my birthday, and as I thought about the things I wanted out of the year ahead the main one was to look after myself better and to be kinder to myself. These are both things that I struggle with, I think most people do but I want to talk about how we all need to change this!

So when I was at school I had problems with eating, I often skipped meals or did not eat at all, this continued into my university years and I got very thin…the thinner I got the more compliments I got and so the cycle begins!

Now I am older of course and I can look back and see how society is constantly telling us that we are not enough. Even models and actresses get teased by magazines if they have a bit of cellulite and they have personal trainers and their perfectly calculated meals delivered to them! So it is no wonder that we struggle with dieting and wanting to fit into that dress or look good naked, but I am taking a stand!

It is incredibly hard when you have chronic pain and fatigue to work out, to get out, to do the things society says is normal. It is impossible to look like society wants when you have a wheelchair, or a walking stick, or you need incontinence pads, or you have bandages etc! I often find it hard to feel like myself because I walk with a limp, and I use walking aids, and it is impossible to feel sexy when you have a flare and cannot work out at all so you put some weight on!

I am currently a size 12, I was this size when I met Lee and it seems to be the size that my body is the happiest at. I would like to tone my body more, which will happen with my yoga and by just being patient and working on keeping up with exercise. I think practising yoga has taught me a lot mainly that I need to be patient, it is not about being perfect or getting the pose now. It is about appreciating the journey and loving yourself and your body enough to work within it’s limits to learn and to grow.

This month I want to focus on my mental health, last year I lost my Grandad and it spiralled me out of yoga daily and going out with the dog and eating right into a very bad depression. Starting this blog was a way for me to get out of myself and to become a better person by not sitting stewing in my thoughts all the time. I want to love myself, I never have and I desperately want to look in the mirror and not see a thousand flaws, to be with people and be fun and not someone who puts them self down! I want to feel sexy, and think people are checking me out not just staring at my walking stick or wheelchair wondering what is wrong with me!

I found recently I have been struggling to eat right to plan yummy meals that will keep me and my husband healthy and I want to get back to that. I also want to bake again I miss that, and I want to be the best person I can be Buddhism and yoga have set me on this path and I want to continue down it.

So instead of worrying what you look like, or putting people down, or skipping meals or dieting let’s enjoy life again! The press and TV and film have changed the way we see ourselves and not for the better. I am going to be posting daily on my instagram something I love about myself…maybe you could join me? Let’s start a revolution!

Namaste xxx

Body positivity with a Chronic Illness

Hi everyone!

I have been hit full in the face with this over the last couple of weeks and it is something most people can identify with. I love my celebrities however my favourite actress is Nina Dobrev who somehow manages to be skinny, toned and have curves! I love my muscular men like Jamie Dornan, but I know my hubby sees them and wishes he could look like them!

Every TV show, film, magazine etc tells us we need to be muscular to be a sexy male and skinny and toned to be a sexy woman…though boobs and a big bum are a must! I have seen things about women with dark skin using lightening creams and even Korean people having eye surgery so they have different shaped eyelids!

So here I am saying that I am struggling because in the past I was thin, I was toned! Before I got sick I was a size 6 and I walked everywhere and did yoga, I went to dance classes and had a very physical job I was a nurse. Then I got sick and I went up to a UK size 12 I met my husband and then not too long after we got together I had a relapse of what they then thought was Multiple Sclerosis and I went into hospital for 3 days for high dose IV steroids…I then ballooned to a size UK20!!!

It has taken me a long time to get onto meds that allowed me to lose that weight, and thanks to Slimming World I got back down to a size UK10 and almost my goal of 91/2 stone….Then last year my Grandad passed away and I fell into a depression. I stopped watching what I ate and I stopped doing yoga every day and I got a little lost and in that year I put on a stone in weight and I went up a dress size which considering everything over a year is not that much. However, when I look at myself now I feel ugly, I have stretch marks from when I went from a 12 to a 20 in a short time, my body is no longer as toned and I feel very not sexy. In fact when I look at pictures of myself from last year I think I look ginormous!

So this year I promised myself I would get my diet sorted and get back to working out every day with the hopes that by the summer I will be doing yoga and taking my dog on short walks most days. One of my favourite You Tubers Helen Anderson is doing something similar and she is vlogging herself in the gym and instead of making me feel better it is making me feel worse! She works out to the point where she is sweaty and worn out and well I cannot do that! My body struggles with a 10minute walk and my short yoga sessions! By the evening I am in a ton of pain and struggling to stay awake on just that I just cannot keep up!

So I am trying to keep positive and please if you have a Chronic Illness and feel the same leave a comment below, but how am I meant to have a body that makes me feel sexy and good to myself when I cannot work out? How am I meant to get that sexy body when I spend most of my time sitting on the couch resting between tasks?

I follow a woman on instagram who gives me so much inspiration to try and love the body I have and not compare myself, Dana Falsetti she talks almost daily about body positivity and self love and sometimes the comments she gets make me want to cry no matter how they must make her feel!

So here I am asking you how do you keep from body shaming yourself when society sets such high and unreachable goals for able bodied people no matter we who are trapped in bodies that hold us back?

Namaste xxx

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Diet confusion

confusion Hi friends!

So I am struggling at the moment and I have no idea what to do or who to ask and to be honest it is making me tearful and feel really down.

So I have been having digestive issues for a while now and a few months ago I had cameras everywhere to check I had no tumours or ulcers or anything like that which were thankfully all clear. However, those problems are still present and I am having a lot of stomach pains…

So about a month ago I went to a new doctor at Burton hospital to try and find out more and he said it could be Celiacs Disease which basically means you cannot have gluten. This would mean a big shift in my diet and so I have been trying to eat well lots of fruit and veg, lots of spinach and I bought a spiralizer so I can make Zoodles instead of pasta!

However, now I am finding my pain is getting worse as well as my fatigue so everything is off with me right now and I am really worried. I am still waiting for this doctor to send me the results which is so frustrating because they must have the results to a simple blood test by now! I am really getting down and feeling extremely depressed and confused. Why is a healthy diet so hard to figure out? Why is it taking so long to find out what is wrong? And what am I doing wrong now?

Basically I am going away with my bestie Hannah this weekend so no blog on Sunday but full update on Wednesday, we are going with hannah’s friend Caitlin to London to a convention for Lost Girl fans! I am incredibly excited because two of my favourite actors are going to be there Paul Amos and Tim Rozon so I am hoping it will lift my spirits and just help me to relax and have fun!

I am sorry this is not a cheery post but I am just not in a brilliant place right now take care everyone

Namaste xx

Meds Mixup

eprs-ida-554174-medicinal-products-in-the-eu Hi guys!

Well last 2 days I have not been well, and before I tell you why I will preface this with the fact that my husband is an amazing carer and this has only ever done this once before in 8years together…

So Friday afternoon Lee sat down to do the weeks medication, and realised he had forgotten to go to the chemist and pick up my painkillers and iron tablets. Now it was late on Friday and there was no way to get there in time…this meant I had all weekend without pain relief other than Ibuprofen which without the rest of my meds is pretty useless against the pain I have daily.

By Saturday afternoon I was at about 8/10 on the pain scale and really suffering, all weekend I felt sick, hot and got hardly any sleep. To say the weekend was hell would be an understatement, and a lot of that is because I am on these meds all day every day and my body needs them. I was going cold turkey and now I have them again I can really appreciate how these small tablets I take without giving them much thought are needed just so I can cope.

It is hard to realise I need medication, as you all know I turn more to alternative therapies mostly and so I do find that I struggle to admit how much I need tablets and pain relief etc. However, I am so so thankful to be back on my medications and really appreciate how much it helps me just need to rest and recover now!

This week I also had a hospital appointment and I am waiting for results to find out if I have Celiacs Disease which basically would mean I would need to change to a gluten free diet. This would explain a lot of my symptoms that I have been investigated for as well as the Anaemia so I am looking forward to some answers hopefully. I am feeling worried about how to change my diet because a lot of vegetarian foods are covered in breadcrumbs etc however I am someone who tries to take care of my diet so I will certainly look into finding ways to cope with it should I have it.

So a lot going on with my health right now, but I am excited to get some answers and happy to have a new respect for my medication.

Namaste xx

Drained but proud

la07Hi guys!

Wow it has been a draining week and so I have had a lazy day today! Typical sunday I lay in bed late and then watched You Tube videos until I could get the energy to have a shower. I have done nothing productive really apart from write this post and try a new smoothie bowl recipe using Cacau powder…but feeling nauseous this was probably not the best day to try it! I got a little writing done and I am going to throw a typical English sunday dinner together in a bit!

I must admit yesterday I got a lot done, I managed to do 20mins of yoga and to clean the bathrooms which made me feel so proud of myself, I love how sparkly they are using my natural products I made myself lol. I also made a yummy homemade pasta sauce with chilli and cream cheese it was nommy!!

The day before though was scary my anxiety was really high because I have been referred to general medicine doctor at a hospital I have not been treated at before and we cannot work out why! The thought of going to this appointment without Lee has given me panic attacks and forced me to cancel it twice! I keep thinking I am working to getting on top of my anxiety then it pops back up does anyone else have this problem?

I am also struggling because it is the week of Grandad’s birthday and he passed away only a few months ago, I keep crying over him and I miss him so much. I am trying to push through it and stay positive but it isn’t easy, he was my best friend and my person I called him so much and I miss him tons!

Generally it has been a positive week in that I am chilling out and being positive but my emotions are really up and down right now, I guess I just have to be patient with myself and realise that grief is never really over and it is still fresh for me.

Namaste xxx

Difficult week

difficult-times-quotes-6 Hey guys!

This week has been tough, my pain and fatigue have been hard and I have had to power through to be able to work out and look after myself. I have also been trying hard to look after my husband Lee who is struggling at the moment.

I think seeing him have a tough time is harder than anything I go through, I always feel so hopeless! But we have been through a lot together and I know our sense of humour and love for one another will get us through.

I have this week discovered smoothie bowls, if you have no idea what I am talking about just google them! So yummy, super healthy and a really colourful and filling way to have breakfast! I love fruit and they are a great way to mix fruit and nuts and museli together! If you try them let me know what you think in the comments!

My obsession with Shameless continues, I cannot get the theme song out of my head which is a very real problem as anyone who binge watches TV shows will know! I have memory problems and watching the show like this really helps with my remembering who is who and what their stories are. Sometimes I find if I I watch a show weekly I get confused and forget so much and I really struggle, so if you have memory problems too binge watching defo helps!

Tonight I am going to see the new Star trek movie I am so so excited!! I have been a huge fan of Simon Pegg since he was in Faith in the Future in 1997 and I love to support his work. I am just beside myself to see Sexy Scotty and I am even doing my make up themed for it I will post a picture on my Instagram lol! I will post a review in the next few days so watch out for that!

I guess my main message is that no matter what you go through always keep your eyes on the good things…a nice meal or a sunset or just being comfy and warm…every day look for at least one good thing. Humour and being positive will always make your life better so keep smiling and live long and prosper! Namaste xx

I’m Meeeeeelting

wonmr95326 Hi folks! Sorry about that short interlude in writing, British summer has decided to grace us with it’s presence and I am suffering!

I have never had a body that could cope well with hot weather, when I was a kid I would burn in 10minutes in the sun, coming out in blisters and rashes! But I find that now I am on meds and I have fibro I suffer more inside! I find that I get more migraines than usual, and I get so weak and sick I just want to hunker down until it is Autumn again!

So today I woke up with what I think is called a pressure migraine? It feels like my brain is trying to escape, like there is so much pressure inside my head it is going to explode! I slept for a few hours this afternoon and found that I couldn’t shake off feeling sicky and a bit wobbly. On top of that my hands and feet are swollen making doing anything simple like walking or holding something uncomfortable.

I really just wish I could shake it off, but we did have a thunder storm this afternoon and it feels like it was inside my head because now it has passed I strangely feel better!

On a good note for lunch today I had porridge made with almond milk with melted Nutella and chopped strawberries…it was so delicious!!! I am terrible with that stuff though if Nutella is in the house I just want it with everything! I have no chill when it comes to it so I bought the small jar and will be glad when it’s gone! Totally threw me a curveball because I try to eat healthily most days! Evil company!

So now I am going to lay down and carry on watching the US Shameless TV series? If you have not watched it I highly recommend! I had been avoiding it because the UK version was so bad! However the US version has William H Macey and Emmy Rossum as well as Jane Cusack so how could it be wrong?


Hi there I am Beverley, I am trying to find a way to live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, ankylosing spondylitis, Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I live with my Husband Lee and our dog Gizmo and our budgies Rey and Finn. I live in England and I am learning to be a psychic and I am on a spiritual journey I am excited to share with you. I look forward to getting to know you better, I will be updating Mondays and Fridays xx

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