So on the 16th of this month it is my birthday, and as I thought about the things I wanted out of the year ahead the main one was to look after myself better and to be kinder to myself. These are both things that I struggle with, I think most people do but I want to talk about how we all need to change this!
So when I was at school I had problems with eating, I often skipped meals or did not eat at all, this continued into my university years and I got very thin…the thinner I got the more compliments I got and so the cycle begins!
Now I am older of course and I can look back and see how society is constantly telling us that we are not enough. Even models and actresses get teased by magazines if they have a bit of cellulite and they have personal trainers and their perfectly calculated meals delivered to them! So it is no wonder that we struggle with dieting and wanting to fit into that dress or look good naked, but I am taking a stand!
It is incredibly hard when you have chronic pain and fatigue to work out, to get out, to do the things society says is normal. It is impossible to look like society wants when you have a wheelchair, or a walking stick, or you need incontinence pads, or you have bandages etc! I often find it hard to feel like myself because I walk with a limp, and I use walking aids, and it is impossible to feel sexy when you have a flare and cannot work out at all so you put some weight on!
I am currently a size 12, I was this size when I met Lee and it seems to be the size that my body is the happiest at. I would like to tone my body more, which will happen with my yoga and by just being patient and working on keeping up with exercise. I think practising yoga has taught me a lot mainly that I need to be patient, it is not about being perfect or getting the pose now. It is about appreciating the journey and loving yourself and your body enough to work within it’s limits to learn and to grow.
This month I want to focus on my mental health, last year I lost my Grandad and it spiralled me out of yoga daily and going out with the dog and eating right into a very bad depression. Starting this blog was a way for me to get out of myself and to become a better person by not sitting stewing in my thoughts all the time. I want to love myself, I never have and I desperately want to look in the mirror and not see a thousand flaws, to be with people and be fun and not someone who puts them self down! I want to feel sexy, and think people are checking me out not just staring at my walking stick or wheelchair wondering what is wrong with me!
I found recently I have been struggling to eat right to plan yummy meals that will keep me and my husband healthy and I want to get back to that. I also want to bake again I miss that, and I want to be the best person I can be Buddhism and yoga have set me on this path and I want to continue down it.
So instead of worrying what you look like, or putting people down, or skipping meals or dieting let’s enjoy life again! The press and TV and film have changed the way we see ourselves and not for the better. I am going to be posting daily on my instagram something I love about myself…maybe you could join me? Let’s start a revolution!