Trying to live with Chronic Illness

spiritualism

Looking ahead at the end of the year

looking ahead at the end of the year
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Hey everybody,

Sometimes it takes opening up to make things happen as you start looking ahead at the end of the year. I have been working hard to try not to be a people pleaser anymore but after being one for so long it is kind of hard to just change you know? 

However, though I have been working hard to learn to be a psychicover the last two years, it never felt right to me and I was scared to tell my teacher the lovely Linda, in case I upset her or let her down. 

But I really do not enjoy talking about and to people who have passed on. I was doing that because I had been told to do it when I saw a psychic myself. On reflection though, I really feel as if she was setting me on my spiritual journey and did not mean that I force myself to become something I do not want to become. 

So I finally spoke to Linda and the relief I felt was immediate! Honestly it just felt so good to be open and to trust that the friendship we have built is stronger than me just saying I do not feel this is my path.

We talked and now I think I am going to take her Meditation coursein March. The course shows you how to teach meditation and how to lead classes. This is much more me and I am so excited to start! As well as that, when we have the money, I am hoping to learn Reiki and her course looks amazing so I cannot wait!!

It really showed me that this is my path, this is my journey and I should feel confident enough to speak up. I do not know what the future holds for me, but I definitely want to help people heal and to improve themselves and I know the right things will cross my path at the right times if I stay true to myself. 

As for my health? Well it could be better….

My pain in my upper abdomen is still there, even after coming off the meds that reacted with the antibiotics to cause gastritis. I had a blood test, but honestly they just came back to tell me I am anaemic and said nothing about my liver function which was the point of the test! 

I am concerned about my liver, but getting to see our doctor is harder than having tea with the queen so I do not know what to do! I keep worrying my liver is bleeding and that is why I am anaemic, but then I try and remember I have chronic illnesses so maybe it will just take longer for me to recover? 

I feel awful today though, very tired and shaky and urgh and my stomach is swollen and painful and honestly? I just want to go to bed! I had an awful nights sleep and my pain is pretty bad so yeah might take a nap after this…

Namaste xxx

Ups and downs

Ups and downs

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Hey everybody!

Well December has arrived, and we are all reflecting back on the year, while either dreading or getting excited for Christmas. As we look back we realise we all have times where we struggle but it is rarely all one way or the other, life is just full of ups and downs.

Over the last few days I have been thinking back, and a good way of doing this I realised was to look at my vision board. I have never made one before, but I recently read a book called Moonology where the author teaches you about how to work with the moon and part of it is that you create a vision board monthly of things you want to make happen.

I made this at the last new moon and soon the new moon will be here again and so I wanted to look at my board and see what had happened and what had not. I am not yet pregnant, having sex when you have chronic pain can be very difficult to navigate and with a low blood count and pain as well I just am not interested or if I am the thought of the pain puts me off!

I am not yet connected to my spirit guides in a way that people I know are, which can be frustrating but I am trying to concentrate on the fact that this is my own journey. It can often be tempting to compare or worry but I am me alone and I am working on being confident in my own journey.

My You Tube channel is growing slowly, but it is growing and though I had hoped to reach 500 subscribers by the end of this moon cycle I have to remember how I am not very good at promoting myself. But I am learning and people who have more experience in You Tube have come into my life so I know it will happen I just need to put their advice into practice.

Friendships is something I have really wanted to work on, I always find myself alone, this is mainly because my friends either have children or they work full time or shifts or live far away. But I wanted to change the loneliness so I added friendship to my vision board because I wanted to attract more time with friends into my life. My friend Josh, who did my crystal healing and past life regression, has been coming to see me every couple of weeks and we talk more or less every day. I am taking the time to try and plan fun things to do with Louise and Hannah so that we do not lose our friendships that we have built over so many years. Then me and Lee went out for a mean with our neighbours Jess and Paul last night and that was so much fun it was really nice to see them and just hang out. So that is working for sure though is it the vision board or me? Not sure but either way I am happy about it!

And lastly daily yoga, I used to practice yoga every day and of the four pathways of yoga it is the most accepted and recognised in society, though I cannot do crazy poses I do love to lose myself in yoga! However, with the amount of pain I have been having and lack of energy due to my low blood count I find if I practice yoga I can literally get nothing else done! I almost feel as if I am starting fresh from the start again and it is frustrating when you used to do something daily and you cannot seem to get into a routine with it again! This I am working on though I am not giving up!

So you see, as I look back over the year, it very much resembles the results of my first time using a vision board! I have made great strides in my spiritual life and I have learned so much about my faith! I have started to love and study crystals, and I have managed to have some lovely days out, as well as being blessed to work with companies both on here and on my You Tube channel. But I have also had new symptoms, new diagnoses, money struggles, and set back with plans and things I have wanted to achieve.

All in all however, it has been a good year, I have learned a lot and been happier than I think I ever have in my life! Finally I am me and I am learning what that means and how to be the best me I can every day! Life is always about ups and downs, it is never a straight path, but then if it was we wouldn’t learn as much and wouldn’t it be boring?

Namaste xxx

 

 

 

Looking back as I look forward

Blooming Mindfulness

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Hey everybody!

First of all I owe you an apology last week was a bit crazy and instead of pushing out a not so good post I thought I would look after myself and have a week off. However, here you are so maybe I should explain that I have been going through a lot of self-discovery recently and because of this I find myself looking back as I look forward.

Last Friday was so exciting I went to the Mind Body and Spirit festival which was held at the NEC in Birmingham. It is not too far from me and I was lucky enough that one of my friends Josh and his Mom fancied having a day out there too. I  used my wheelchair and Josh was kind enough to push me, there was a lot of walking at the event so I couldn’t have done it!

It was also a very overwhelming event, there were of course a lot of crystals there but also everyone was open and the energy really affected me and Josh. Not in a bad way we could just feel a lot even with grounding and protecting before the event which I dread to think how it would have been if we hadn’t! The day went by so fast and to be honest I did not buy much or look closely at much because I felt overwhelmed by it all. That said it was a wonderful day out with one of my close friends and I would go again now I know what to expect.

It has taken me a couple of days to recover of course, but that was good, it gave me time to think and to come to terms with something I only found out last week! I went to see my GP to see if there was a plan after being diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis and Ehlers Danlos syndrome (EDS) in April.

My doctor looked at my records and found the letter from the specialist and that was when she told me that I have always had EDS and in fact it is the fact that I have been overstretching and misusing my joints for so long it is actually the EDS that triggered my Fibromyalgia. I did a You Tube video about how this made me feel and where my head has been at since I got this information:

I think I needed a little time to understand what this news meant and how I was going to process it, I mean it makes sense but still the EDS is such a new diagnosis I wasn’t sure how to take it. Now I cannot help but be thankful for good friends who stand by me and my wonderful husband who is always there for me no matter what, I am so so lucky!!

Moving forward my attention is going to the EDS, on protecting my joints and looking after myself I will be working closely with my physiotherapist to get my body stronger and hopefully by using my joints correctly and doing gentle daily exercise. I do most of that using You Tube and if you ever wonder what sort of things I do it depends on how I am feeling on the day but it is always something from this playlist.

I have also learned how to subtitle my videos and it means creating a video takes much longer but it is so worth it when I now know it is as accessible as I can make them. I will hopefully be working slowly through my older videos to get them subtitles but if anyone would be up for helping please just email me for information as to how I need all the help I can get!

Namaste xxx

Wait for this all to blow over

Wait for it all to blow over

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Hey everybody!

Welcome back to my blog, and wow this week has been kind of tough  for me both with my mediumship and my health! I really want to get going and keep growing but somehow my body has been asking for me to do nothing and just wait for this all to blow over!

Patience has never been something I have been especially skilled at, and to be honest I would like to be better at it. The problem is when you pray for patience God tends to make you wait for things! However, knowing this I have been praying to have more patience and to accept things will happen in His time, and so he made me wait and grudgingly I went with it!

Week before last I had some antibiotics for an infection, and shortly afterwards I started to get a lot of pain through the middle of my body like I had been impaled or kicked in my back. It has made it so hard to sit or stand for long and has stopped me doing most housework other than light things, and all yoga/physiotherapy!

I thought it was a flare and that was why I focused on that last week, eventually though I couldn’t take it any longer and made an appointment with my GP. I got to see a locum this time, and I am glad I did because she was thorough and so nice. She listened to me which, as other chronic illness warriors will know, is rare and came to the conclusion that after years on medications the antibiotics had been the tipping point.

She explained that they had interfered with another medication I was already on and caused gastritis, which is inflammation of the stomach lining. She took me off one of my meds and sent me to the hospital for blood tests to make sure it hadn’t upset my liver and pancreas as well. This scared me, for a long time I have wanted to lead a more natural life, but somehow medications never seemed an option but now I really wish I could see my regular doctor and see what I need to be on and what I can come off and maybe look into more natural remedies.

This gastritis is so painful and draining, I feel awful so the thought of doing long meditations and working with tarot etc is the last thing I have energy for. It is so frustrating because I really want to progress and have a relationship with my spirit guides, but how can that happen when my pain is so bad I cannot meditate properly? I read so many books and blog posts about connecting with them, but most say it takes time and if you are not connecting there is something holding you back…

Is it my health? I kept thinking it was my fear and lack of self confidence, which it could also be, but I think most of my fellow warriors will understand that it often feels as if our health is always holding us back. I started to get frustrated, I couldn’t even hide it at my psychic class and I worry about this being the thing that stops me finding and achieving my soul’s purpose!

Then I remembered, I had prayed for patience…we are told in the bible and in most sacred texts I have read, that patience is a big part of faith. Everything happens in God’s time, He has a plan for my life and maybe I need to stop trying to get ahead and instead trust that things will happen when they are supposed to.

I guess I just need to make a cup of tea and wait for this all to blow over and for things to fall into place when they are meant to!

Namaste xxx

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Finding my place in the world

The picture shows a woman leaning on a wall in front of a castle looking thoughtfully at the sky. Written above is the name of the blog, and below the title Finding my place in the world

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Hey everybody!

So as you probably know by now, I am currently on a spiritual journey and I am excited that I am starting to feel more confident to be sharing more about that both here and on my You Tube channel. It feels so nice to be exploring the world and finding out that I do still have a purpose and a reason to be in the world. I feel like I fell out of society when I became chronically sick, however, now I have been studying about my soul’s purpose I am trying to find my place in the world again.

I am loving the courses I have done so far with my teacher Lynda Bourne, I have done the Working with spirit guides and angels and I am currently doing the Psychic mediumship level 1 course. I love learning how to connect and discovering more about how things work and how to do them safely. However, so far it has not set my heart alight and I still struggle to connect at all with my spirit guides which is a big part of it.

However, I have been studying and working hard on my own, listening to podcasts and reading so much and it feels like I am on the verge of something…

Now what that is I just do not know but I am working hard to improve my confidence and self esteem two things that I never had much of but that really took a bashing when I got sick. Along with that I have been doing a lot of soul searching and looking to my childhood to try and find out what I should be doing. This is because when you are young society has not had time to put it’s constraints on you and the things you loved then can give clues.

So when I was a kid I would spend a lot of time playing in our back garden and collecting stones and I had a few crystals, looking back can really help you to see how to move forward. Now I am an adult and I am most happy in the countryside enjoying nature, I collect crystals and yes I still pick up stones everywhere! So maybe my future has something to do with nature and crystals? Another clue can come from what other people come to you for or what they compliment you about, now my whole life I have had people come to me for advice and to talk. I am very logical and have been told I am really good friend so maybe helping people find their way?

Now of course, my blog and You Tube could be a part of that I do try to give advice and tips on here and in my videos, and perhaps stones and crystals can be a way to help others through healing? Then again I am also a huge fan of meditation and Lynda teaches meditation as well as crystal healing, so you can see how there is a hazy picture coming into view but for right now it is confusing.

I hope you will stick around as I continue on my journey and as always I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below

Namaste xxx

Facing changes as winter approaches

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Hey everybody!

Winter is coming fast and like in the spring I like to take stock and look ahead. Making plans and changing things up, and that is happening on this blog as well. If you have been following me on Instagram recently, you will know that I have been really getting into my psychic classes, and especially I have become interested in Crystals and living more in tune with the Earth.

Now I started this blog to talk about chronic illness and how my faith helps me through, but my faith has changed and so has my outlook. I was a Christian-Buddhist then but now I see man made religion as holding me back from really getting close to God. I love that he provides every kind of plant to heal us, and crystals and rocks that contain energy to help us as well. If we live our lives around the moon then we are more in line…

Now I do not want you thinking I am no longer a Christian because I am, I still read my bible daily, and my faith is still the cornerstone of how I live my life. However, I want to talk more about my beliefs and my psychic class and the things I am learning on here, so from now on I shall be talking about that on a Monday and on a Friday you will get a round up of how my chronic illnesses are going and how my life is going.

Here we go:

So this week I started a book called Moonology the author is an astrologist and she believes that linking up your plans and hopes every month with the moon will help them to happen. Now I am not a Wiccan, I do not have alters or do spells because I believe in the power of prayer. I am new to manifesting myself, but I know that by trusting in God and setting intentions then we can make anything happen. We know that ancient civilisations trusted in the stars and moon, and I think they were right, I think God provided so many simple ways for us to make our prayers more powerful.

I am really enjoying reading and learning about the power of the moon’s influence over prayer and I am going to start using it in my monthly plans from now on. I really would love to see my blog and my You Tube Channel do well and start to grow so I can help others and as the bible says:

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. – Matthew 5:14-16

I have also been studying some crystals and really starting to learn about the ways that crystals can help those of us with chronic illness, for example Howlite is a really calming stone. It helps reduce anxiety and stress, it is great for insomnia and having it by your bedside will help you to sleep, it did for me! It can also clear your mind and so it helps with both meditation and mindfulness and has really become a favourite stone of mine. I am learning about how they can help different illnesses and I even had a bracelet made for my husband by Mighty Moon on Etsy with crystals meant to help with epilepsy.

Now I am not suggesting that they are a cure, but if you use them alongside other forms of care what is the harm? Do you use anything like this? What crystals or books do you recommend for someone wanting to get into more natural remedies and to support their body without so many chemicals that cost so much money!

My psychic week:

So I have been meditating a lot, reading up on so much and spending a lot of time trying to find my way and getting close to my intuition. I have been getting hazy images in my third eye of things changed round in the room while meditating, and after speaking to my psychic teacher I found this was perfectly normal. It was simply my Spirit Guides training and teaching my spiritual mind to learn logic. This was so interesting to me and I find the more I meditate and learn the more I open up to angels and spirit guides.

I have also been having times when I can hijack my dreams and use them, while asleep, to contact people I know who have passed!! I am unsure right now how this will play out, but it has happened three times and I am quite excited to learn more. Right now it kind of feels like the world is opening up to me and I am learning from much older civilisations how to get closer to God and how to open up to this Earth that God gave us.

I hope you will enjoy this change on the blog, and that you will stick with me while I find my way with updating twice and talking about my spiritual side, please let me know down below in the comments if you have any ideas or thoughts.

Namaste xxx

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Cleansing and reassessments

SmudgeStick_000015957863 Hi guys! Well it has been a busy couple of days and I am really feeling it now! I just took a 2hour nap and I feel like a zombie but after much thought I decided to update my blog every Wednesday and Sunday and so here I am.

Yesterday our friend Tracy came over, she is a lovely person who works with Lee and also practices Reiki. I love meditation and yoga as you all know and this is just another way to keep your chakras clear and your spiritual self protected and healthy.

I have been feeling the presence of a spirit in our home that did not feel nice at all, it definitely felt male and though I am usually open to spirits I could not see or feel it clearly. One night I came back downstairs after going to bed to find a heavy feeling in the living room and a mouldy horrible smell…our house is a new build and does not have any mould!

Last time Tracey did Reiki on me she found me to be open, my spirit to be clean no negative energy at all, but this time it was very different! She said it was like someone had put a cloak of negativity over me and she could feel my chakras were closed and my spirit was murky and muddy. She could feel this spirit in the house and thought that because of my losing my granddad it had preyed on me seeing me as being weak.

It took her a lot to clean out all of the negativity from me and it was attacking Lee as well but not as much because he doesn’t spend as much time in the living room as me. She told us to hoover or sweep the floor after she left because that was where she threw the negativity from us which we did and emptied the hoover. We also dusted the corners of the rooms telling the spirit it was not welcome here and to leave, I have ordered a sage stick to cleanse the house and I think I will do it regularly from now on.

We both immediately felt better the house feels like it is ours again, I don’t know who the spirit was or where they came from, but it was not a good spirit at all. It tried to get back into me as quickly as Tracey was cleaning me out! I am so thankful that she came when she did because practicing yoga and meditation is extremely hard to do with any results when your chakras are closed!

This morning we woke early, 7am and got ready because I was being reassessed to see if I could go back to work. I think that people who claim for disability in this country are chosen at random, but it was so scary! I had gone a few weeks ago and they made me wait about 3 hours before saying they couldn’t see me so they squeezed me in today!

The guy who saw me was really nice, I answered everything the best I could and was only in there about half an hour in the end! My anxiety was so bad though I was imagining the worst and so scared, now we just have to wait to see what they say! Hopefully the guy could see I was genuine and that my fatigue and pain stop me being able to work…I do not know how we will afford to live if they try to take my benefits off me!

I came home and had some food and a cup of tea with my Dad and his girlfriend Linda then when they went I went to bed for a nap I was exhausted! I wish the people who send for us knew how scary and stressful this process is, I know they want to catch fakers but if these people just went to work instead genuinely sick people could concentrate on trying to live!

Anyway I am going to attempt to make a roast dinner this afternoon with Lee’s help as always I found a recipe for sweet potatoes roasted in honey and cinnamon so I am really excited to try that! I post picture of my cooking on my Instagram so head over there and comment if you would like me to share some of my recipes here too! xx

Hello

Hi there I am Beverley, I am trying to find a way to live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, ankylosing spondylitis, Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I live with my Husband Lee and our dog Gizmo and our budgies Rey and Finn. I live in England and I am learning to be a psychic and I am on a spiritual journey I am excited to share with you. I look forward to getting to know you better, I will be updating Mondays and Fridays xx

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