Today I wanted to talk about bad days, and not the random ones that seem to come from nowhere and knock you off your feet! No I am talking about the ones you have to plan for because you are going out with friends or going to a concert things like that.
Yesterday I had an invite to a party in the afternoon, it was my next door neighbors house and something that is rare. It was a party for the skincare range Tropic and I loved the idea of going to see the range and learn more about that. I also really wanted to go because I do not have many friends and I struggle to make new ones, something a lot of people with chronic illnesses will be all too familiar with!
I also had an invite for a party in the evening for my cousin’s 40th birthday and because it was such a fun idea because it was fancy dress and I love that. I also rarely see anyone from that side of the family and I love a chance to see everyone so I did not want to miss celebrating with everyone.
So because they were both on the same day I knew I would have a struggle the next few days. Now anyone with chronic illness knows this, but you have to plan not only the fun thing you want to do but also the run up to it and the aftermath!
So this week I did not do yoga, usually I do alternate days but I did not want to be doing yoga and having to deal with the fatigue from that if I did not have to. I also took more time doing my housework and just rested as much as I could, I did not do anything that usually takes up energy because I knew I needed to save as much as I could.
Yesterday morning I had a lie in and I made sure I took my time getting ready to go to my next door neighbors. I also found myself having a few minor panic attacks at the thought of being around people I did not know and thankfully my friend came to get me which I really appreciated because I was struggling to get the nerve to go.
After the afternoon event I was going to cook, but after their suggestion we had a take away pizza delivered instead so that saved me I think because the look I wanted to get was tricky. I needed the energy I saved to do my hair and make up, as well I layered patterned tights, ripped leggings and a skirt to get that punk look I wanted and that took a lot of energy too! By the time we had been at the evening party about an hour I was in a lot of pain and I was struggling, a little alcohol did help me at this point (full disclosure)! We left about 10:30 and by that point I was struggling to walk and my pain was bad. I had just enough energy left to have a cup of tea, my meds and get out of my outfit!
The aftermath is the hardest part, I slept in bed until about 3pm today! I then took a very quick shower and got into my PJs and I came here to update this blog. This is hard though because my legs are very painful and I find myself struggling to type right, to find the right word I want and to spell (thank goodness for the red squiggly line)! Tonight I will be getting into bed early and probably will find my body will need a few days to recover enough to be able to even think about yoga and getting back to my normal routine.
It can be hard to rest, to not feel lazy or useless when your body just needs to rest, it is hard to give yourself a break especially when those negative thoughts start to creep in. I think it is important however to remember that life is nothing if we do not live it, friends and family are important and so what if these things require planning and time to recover? I have memories of my cousin dressed as Meleficent looking fabulous at 40 and I have the achievement of coming out my shell and meeting new people! I feel proud of myself and a few days resting are worth it to me!