So if you have been reading my blog for a while, you will know that I was diagnosed with two illnesses Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and ankylosing spondylitis. Looking back some diagnosis just make sense and for me that is EDS, when I started to research it all just seemed to fall into place.
See back when I was a kid I had a lot of problems with my legs, they were constantly painful and the one time I saw a doctor I was told it was just ‘growing pains’. However, the fact that I was late at walking, and that my legs were so stiff that I couldn’t straighten them when sitting surely someone should have put the pieces together?
Thing is that though it answers some of the questions I have had my whole life it doesn’t change the fact that I live in the now. I am trying so hard to live in the now and to bring more mindfulness into my life, looking backwards just brings negative thinking and depression. I have to try and hold myself back from that and try to work with what I have.
Right now I am doing all I can to keep my body as healthy as it can possibly be and to do that I have listened to my physiotherapist. Now I love my mother, but she never does her exercises, me on the other hand I try to fit them in as often as I can because I am determined to keep on my feet and as mobile and as well as I can for as long as I can.
Now I am quite lucky because I have always done done form of exercise, though it is frustrating that my body is unable to keep working at the pace I wish it would. I miss doing Yoga with Adriene routines, I liked having goals of particular poses I wanted to work towards however last year it became easy to see that I had to step back. I was having my joints dislocate and having a lot of neck pain which was only made worse by doing the plough!
After talking to my yoga teacher I dropped out of yoga class which was such a hard decision because it got me out of the house and gave me some social time that I very much longed for. Thankfully soon after I discovered Sleepy Santosha and I have been keeping on top of my body’s flexability and maintaining a level of fitness that I am thankful for and so is my physio! Right now that and my physiotherapy exercises is more than enough for me and if I try to do much more now I find the small amount of housework I can manage is totally out of my reach!
I do think reflecting back on things is important and there are times when it is very much needed in life, but I also believe that living in the now is all we really can do. It is hard to admit that I could have looked after my body better if I had known what I was suffering with back then, but I am proud of where I am in life now and the person I have become…surely that is more important?