When it’s hard to say goodbye
First of all I apologise for this post coming to you a little late, when you read this post I hope you will understand why I needed a little time to process things.
So last year my beloved Grandad passed away, he was my best friend and I spent much of my childhood in their bungalow with him and my Nan. Losing him was hard on everyone in the family of course and it took us some time to recover from losing him in our lives.
What we hadn’t known while he was alive was how bad my Nan’s Alzheimer had become because he would cover for her. My Dad has been incredible taking care of her, but it came to a point when she was not safe at the bungalow alone with people just popping in anymore.
She was assessed and has a place in a wonderful residential home not too far from us, where she will be safe and cared for 24/7. It will take a lot of pressure off my Dad and I hope will allow him to get some of his relationship with her back. He was working so hard to look after her that I could tell he was beginning to resent her because he was so tired and missing out on things. I am so glad that she will be safe and he will be able to relax knowing she is.
However, her getting this place means letting go of the bungalow she lived in with Grandad and it almost feels to me like losing Grandad all over again. My Nan has kept a few posessions, and me, my Dad and his brother have taken the things that are treasures to us. I was going to go to the bungalow with my dad to look for myself, but in the end this was not possible and in a way I was glad to have only happy memories of the place I spent much of my childhood.
I now have the small table that I ate on as a child, ornaments and trinkets that I saw about them, and pictures that meant so much to me as I grew up. I will treasure all of these things and the memories they hold for me every day, however getting them feels so sad and I am struggling to process by it is upsetting me so much when I should be thankful my Nan is safe and not feeling so down.
I am a Buddhist Christian, and as such I try to live in the moment, I am still learning this valuable skill, but these events have shown me I am so attached to the things that represent those I care for. I have the memories and they cannot be replaced, but I love having my Nan and Grandad’s things about me. Does this make me too materialistic? I am very reflective and a little lost right now, but I know one day I will look back and see a big lesson this experience taught me.