You Are Worthy of Love

I think so many people struggle to believe that you are worthy of love when you are disabled, and much of this comes from the messages we absorb as we are growing up in this society. We worry that needing help makes us selfish or a burden, and that our illnesses make us hard to love. There is also a feeling that we should be grateful for any support we receive, and if I am honest, these are things I struggled with myself. It has taken me a long time, and a wonderful husband to realise that needing care makes me no less worthy of being loved. My illnesses are not something to be put up with, but simply a part of who I am, and probably the least interesting part of me.

Love Is Bigger Than Romance

One thing I learned from my marriage to my husband, is that love is more than romance, and matters a lot more as well. It is shown by so many more people than just romantic partners, which we often forget as well.

People around us show their love in so many ways, from making us drinks, to checking in with a message. It could be a family member taking us to appointments, or someone just sitting with us when we are struggling. You are worthy of all kinds of love, society might treat it as an obligation, but it really is an act of love when someone gives their time and skills to care for you.

My Husband Helped Me See This Differently

My husband is my carer, and he does all of these things for me, he supports me and even helps me to care for my mom who has Multiple Sclerosis. And he had loved and supported me almost from the day we met, even if it was hard to accept that support at first.

Learning to accept help and to ask for help is a powerful act of love to him too, showing him how much, I trust him. Accepting support is not weakness and love is not diminished by disability, genuine love instead adapts and evolves.

This is not because my husband is sacrificing himself, or that I am burdened if he has a seizure (he has epilepsy). Compassion and empathy are parts of being human, and accepting care from another is something we all experience from time to time.

Disability Does Not Make You Harder to Love

You are worthy of love, your needs may be different, your life might look different, and you might need more support, but that doesn’t change it. In fact, over all my years meeting and chatting with disabled people, I find their illness to generally be the least interesting or fun thing about them.

Disabled people are still desirable, interesting, funny, loveable, valuable and worth caring for. A person’s value is not measured by independence or productivity, or even by how much they need help from others. We are spiritual beings, with hearts, souls and minds, wants dreams and goals in life and those are the things that matter

Being Helped Does Not Mean You Have Failed

It is normal to feel guilty when asking the people we love for help and to want to push yourself to do things. It is also perfectly normal to feel frustrated when your needs and limitations hold you back from doing the things you want.

But think of it this way, do you judge your loved ones when they need help and support?

I am guessing the answer was no because we give our time and care because of the love we feel for the people around us. I really think we need to stop holding ourselves to a different standard.

We Were Never Meant To Do Life Alone

Looking at our culture, it is easy to think we don’t need one another, we live so separately, but the truth is that humans have always relied on one another. Everyone needs help at different times in their life, and community is needed in order for humans to thrive.

The World Health Organisation found that loneliness is linked to an estimated 100 deaths every hour. Things need to change and it starts with us as individuals being open and honest with the people who we love and care for.

Interdependence is normal, it is not a sign of weakness, and we are not a burden, we are simply humans with different needs.

So, this blog post is a gentle reminder to everyone but especially to disabled people that you are worthy of love and care. Whether it is from a romantic partner, parent, child or just from society at large, we need to realise and ask for what we need. Knowing we are worthwhile no matter what, is how we start to push back against society and start to take up space like all the minority groups around the world. This month is Pride month, and next month is Disability pride, so shout loud and proud that love is love!

Thank you xx

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